Diary of a Layoff/Post Five

Countdown to the finale: five days, and boy, I am being squeezed like an empty tube of Crest to deliver every iota of effort to the last minute. Editor P was out of town Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday, so I actually closed Radio & Records single-handedly Tuesday in his absence. My god, what happens in the future when such a situation occurs and there is no me to deliver? Again, it comes down to decision-making by the West Coast hierarchy that was based more on punishing Nielsen’s East Coast base than any modicum of wisdom. But that’s not really my concern at this point, is it?

In the past two weeks, I have not only delivered a 1,000-word column on a radio charity, but still in front of me is a 2,000-word feature on DJ blogs, due before my exit March 25. It’s asking a lot… but I understand the thinking: After the three most capable writers on board axed bid their farewell—Ken, Allie and me—the majority of the remaining R&R staffers will require editor P to exert extraordinary effort to rewrite their features to the bare minimum of journalistic integrity. From the executive editor down to most of the columnists, their command of journalism compares to grade school.

Okay, enough sniveling about what’s out of my reach. After my layoff came down Feb. 25, I have previously noted that it was impossible to escape obsessive thoughts about all that it entailed. It was as if there were a hand fluttering in front of my face, such that no matter where I was, no matter what I was doing, “layoff, layoff, layoff” just wouldn’t leave me alone.

More than three weeks in, I feel wholly positive. The one caveat: I surrendered my single reviews last week—after 10 years—my signature at Billboard, and that smarted a bit. But I am thrilled that the final spotlight I wrote was for Emre, a promising New York artist that I know and adore and believe will ultimately benefit from appearing in Billboard. It feels good knowing that among my final shout-outs, I am lending a hand to an act that I personally believe in.

Meanwhile, my final byline in the magazine was two weeks ago, interviewing Lionel Richie, and I have to fucking love that. As the persistently uncool pop guy, it was wholly apropos—and as I posted earlier, he actually e-mailed the publicist and said that our time together on the phone was as magical for him.

This Tuesday, March 24, I am hosting my farewell party, and I look forward to being surrounded by many loving allies and friends. That’s what it’s really all about, after all. I am facing unemployment, like so many in this wicked economy, but I have my health, my home, springtime in New York and a wonderful partner. And the next chapter: Right now, it’s a mystery, and yet I feel no fear. Fourteen years ago, I gave up all security to move from Washington to New York to take on my dream job at Billboard. That worked out pretty damn well, didn’t it?