Us magazine reports—as the day's leading entertainment headline—that a 17-year-old and a 20-year-old have "broken up," after their heated love affair... of fewer than three months. The fact that the story was picked up by the likes of Huffington Post is all the more confounding. What exactly did they break up from? When did a few months of canoodling represent a relationship? Why does anybody give a shit about two kids french kissing?
By all means, allow me to quote us.com... (and make sure you note all the really fun sorta-journalism terms, like "source close to" and "coyly" and "rumors" and "dates." Very persuasive).
Exclusive: Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner Split!
So much for the two Taylors finding love. After three months of dating, country singer Taylor Swift and New Moon star Taylor Lautner have split, Us.com has learned.
"It wasn't really developing into anything, and wasn't going to, so they decided they were better as friends," a source close to Swift, 20, tells Us. "There was no chemistry."
The pair, who met on the set of the romantic comedy Valentine's Day, first sparked rumors of a romance when she hugged him at her October 9 concert in Rosemont, Illinois. They have since been spotted on several wholesome dates—like their frozen yogurt date at Menchie's alongside Swift's mom earlier this month—and have each coyly alluded to their relationship on separate Saturday Night Live hosting gigs.
However, the relationship officially fizzled when Lautner, 17, flew to Nashville for Swift's birthday party on Dec. 13, a friend of the singer reveals. "He liked her more than she liked him," the source tells Us. "He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn't travel much to see him. They plan to stay friends."
Well, thank god they're going to remain tight. I don't know that the world could continue spinning on its axis if the pair didn't keep texting. Like, gawd.
This is what happens when "writers" who have no life experience are in charge of national bylines, in case you were wondering: "Great job on breaking that Taylor and Taylor story, Daphne! Oh, by the way, your acne medicine is ready to pick up."
Here's my favorite Us cover of 2009: Poor Fergie was betrayed by her husband Josh Duhamel for hanging with a stripper. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle nekid? I mean, when your husband marries a whore... he obviously likes whores! Logic!