Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Gawker's Contract for Gay Guys/Straight Girls

God, this is funny shit: an advisory for straight gals who want a trendy gay guy on their arm. I don't often lift other sites' material, but this is too good to resist. Highlights below; full post here.
No Setting Us Up: Never try to set us up with another gay. We know that you want us to be happy and in a relationship and want to show how cool you are that you know other gays, but we can already tell he's not our type. Like everyone else, gays are picky and like to find mates on their own.

We'll Give You Sex Tips, but No Lady Business: No one knows how to please a man like another man, and we don't mind sharing the things we learned in that hot tub in P-Town, but, please leave your vagina out of it. We don't have them, and we barely know what they look like, let alone how to operate one to orgasm.

We Won't Hit on Your Boyfriend In Front of You: If your gay friend helped you land a boyfriend he is probably attractive, well-employed and nice. Also, he is probably down with the gays, which means he won't care when we flirt with him. Flirting with straight guys is the gay national pastime. Out of consideration, we will not do this in front of you, but when you leave us talking to him at a party or go to the bathroom at brunch, it's on.

Do Not Come to Our Clubs
: A gay bar with too many women makes everyone uncomfortable. Here are some acceptable girlfriend activities: brunch, romantic comedies, dinner, house parties and mixed events, the theater. We're going to The Cock, let's get you a cab.

You Are Not a Gay Man Trapped in a Woman's Body: You may be fierce, sassy, sleep around, wear crazy outfits and know the good lines from "Pink Flamingos," but you are not a gay man. If you were, you would have a penis and a biological imperative to listen only to female vocalists. You may act like it, but please don't ever say it out loud.