Thursday, January 27, 2011

Maybe Your Pets Might Could Possibly Kill You (Oh, Wait, Not A Real Chance In Hell)

It's easy enough to roll and scroll past sensational headlines about politics and the economy... but don't fuck with our pets!

A USA Today article screams, "Sleeping next to pets could be harmful, study says," pointing out that snuggling up with Fluffy and Spot might cause you "'plague (yes, bubonic plague), chagas disease, which can cause life-threatening heart and digestive system disorders; and cat-scratch disease, which can also come from being licked by infected cats."

Oh, but not really, tee hee. The second graph of the story whispers, "It's rare, but it happens." So in other words... no story, no truth. Jets fall from the sky, too, but I haven't seen a headline lately shouting, "Planes don't fly!"

The claim is based on "an extensive search of medical journals" conducted by Bruno Chomel, a professor at UC-Davis and Ben Sun, chief vet at the Cali Dept. of Public Health. "Our pets should not go beyond next to the bed," Chomel said. "Having a stuffed animal in your bed is fine, not a real one."

Sorry, but from my perspective, sleeping with a baby—and the dangers of projectile vomit and a bed full of poo are much more hazardous than Abby and Spencer by my side in bed. I classify this one as pure bunk.