Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What a Newzzzzz-worthy Week: The Top Five Non-Storiezz

What a laboriously boring pop culture week. Lots of "news" that has all the impact of a double-whammy of Ambien... Allow me to share the top five non-stories of the week!

1) Frank Bailey's tell-all book Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin: A Memoir of our Tumultuous Years, is filled with everything we already knew: Palin is in way over her head, she is a power-hungry opportunist, she pulled out her claws when anyone crossed her. Dude, that's all you've got? Yawn!

2) American Idol two-hour finale Wednesday night. America's southern states are still pissed about the Civil War. Who will win, a homely hillbilly that sings country... or the girl? Is there really any question? This is less a contest about singing than the south still getting even for Obama being elected. Snore!

3) Poor Maria Shriver. The silver-spoon Kennedy family wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger has played the put-upon victim after her gruesome husband fathered a child with a family staffer. She couldn't wait to appear on Oprah to talk smack about Ahhhnald, while TMZ now reveals that she's the one who leaked the story in the first place, in an effort to drum up public sympathy and suck him dry... as if she needs the money. Their combined net worth is reported at $500 million. Boo hoo.

4) Rihanna kissed Britney on the Billboard Awards Sunday and it wasn't aired on the telecast. Oh, scandal!! Could it be because we've all been there, done that? Zzzzzz...

5) The only reason I can think of that anyone would watch ABC's Dancing with the Stars after 12 seasons is to see if Kirstie Alley wipes out because someone greased the dancefloor with burrito meat. Will she gobble up every morsel? This weary "competition" jumped the shark years ago and yet it continues to be popular... much like bingo tournaments at nursing homes. NFL footballer Hines Ward and his pro partner Kym Johnson won. He offered a profound statement to the viewing public: "I want to thank all the fans." Oh, god, I'm getting misty.

Better luck next week!