Saturday, September 10, 2011

Kardashian Hubbie Humphries Launches His Overexposure Campaign

Until he was savvy enough to canoodle with Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries was just your run-of-the-mill overpaid pro athlete, tossing a ball around for the New Jersey Nicks (basketball, I'm told). But now that he married professional celebri-not Kim Aug. 20, I'm sure we'll be seeing Kris oinking across every B-level media outlet, until their inevitable D-I-V-O-R-C-E eight or so months from now.

After all, Kardashian is a master at whoring her big toe if it brings in cash: She collected a half-million cool ones for pawning pics of her wedding and honeymoon to newsstand rags. So much for pop culture.

In fact, the former hairdresser/trust fund daddy's girl's net worth is estimated at $35 million, including $40,000 an episode for her E! "reality" show, perfume and clothing lines, weight loss products, public appearances and other endorsements. All that for being Paris Hilton's one-time gal pal and having a fat ass. What a wondrous world we live in!

And now it's Kris' turn. Case in point: He's featured in a June 2011 GQ swimsuit shoot (and about as expressive as a paper towel). In addition, photos are making the rounds of Humphries and his boyz having a homoerotic hoedown at his poolside bachelor party in Las Vegas.

It's just a shame that Kris is only minorly hot: That pig nose, a la Justin Bieber, is a sizable problem... Kim, you're a plastic surgery veteran... Girl, can't you fix that? Odds are his window of opportunity won't last long. New nose, tighten those abs and let your love flow ($$$$$$$$).