If only the majority of celebs could be as cool as Matthew McConaughey, who named his kids Levi and Vida.
Instead, Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon are following in the footsteps of Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin, who decided Apple would damage their daughter enough for a lifetime of therapy. And let's not forget Michael Jackson's boy Blanket, brother Jermaine Jackson's kid Jermajesty, Geri Halliwell's Bluebell Madonna or Toni Braxton's Denim & Diezel.
Or the best worst offspring names of all: Demi Moore & Bruce Willis' horse-faced girls Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue & Tallulah Belle. Runner up: Bob Geldof's Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle & Little Pixie.
Oh, heavens, aren't celebs funny as shit? So here's the latest... Mariah and Nick have deemed their twins, born on Saturday, son Moroccan Scott Cannon, whom they'll call Roc—after a Moroccan-inspired room in their NYC apartment—and daughter Monroe Cannon, named after Marilyn Monroe. She has no middle name, just cause Mariah doesn't have one either.
More asinine celebrity baby names after the jump... if you dare...
- Frank Zappa and his wife Gail named their kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Diva Muffin and Ahmet.
- Woody Allen and Mia Farrow- Satchel Seamus and Moses Amadeaus.
- Cher and Greg Allman – Elijah Blue
- Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen – Wolfgang.
- Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick – Sosie Ruth Bacon.
- David and Victoria Beckham have a trio of curiously named boys: Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz.
- Eryka Badu – Seven Sirius Benjamin.
- Nicolas Cage & Alice Kim – Kal-El Coppola Cage.
- Jason Lee – Pilot Inspektor.
- Michael Hutchens and Paula Yates – Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lilys.
- Joe Strummer – Jazz Domino
- The Edge – Blue Angel.
- Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. No. Really.
- Penn Jillette – Zoltan and Moxie Crime Fighter.
- Jamie Olivier – Daisy Boo and Poppy Honey.
- Simon LeBon - Saffron Sahara, Tallulah Pine and Amber Rose which is quite tame in comparison.
- Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel and Rogue.
- David Duchovny and Tea Leoni – Kyd.
- Sylvestor Stallone – Sage Moonblood.
- Bono - Memphis Eve.