Wednesday, May 4, 2011

CNN 'Showbiz' Desperate To Convince America It Cares About Royals

Methinks CNN is trying a might too hard... "Welcome back to Showbiz Tonight. I'm A.J. Hammer in New York with the royal obsession. Despite the fact that the wedding of the century is over, people can't stop obsessing over Prince William and Duchess Catherine."

"Wedding of the century," 11 years into the century? Obsessing over the royal obsession? Hammer must mean the media, because the public at large has moved on to something that matters: the assassination of Osama bin Laden.

Nielsen reports that 22.76 million American viewers watched the wedding of Big Willy & Kate on one of 11 U.S. networks. That equates to only 7.4% of the nation's population. Compare that with the funeral of Princess Diana, which was seen by 33.2 million in 1997, or this year's Super Bowl, viewed by 111 million viewers. In fact, the William-Kate ratings were roughly comparable to those of a typical episode of this season's American Idol!

The same media that's insisting America gives a Royal flip about the April wedding loves to report that the July 1981 ceremony between Prince Charles & Lady Diana was seen by 14.2 million households—fewer than Willy & Kate. However, they neglect to reveal that the U.S. population is 35% larger than it was 30 years ago, which more than accounts for the difference.

And now we return you to the laugh-out-loud mind-fuck of Showbiz Tonight, "sparking the great debate tonight: Are Will and Kate now the biggest celebrities in the world?" A.J. Hammer asks with conviction. A voiceover then compares William & Kate to "Brad & Angie, Tom & Katie, Ben & Jen... William & Kate are well on their way to super celebrity status."
Jacqueline Bisset, out of nowhere, then offers, "America is so obsessed," followed by international diplomat, uh, Ke$ha: "I think the whole world's captivated." Now we return to A.J. Hammer, who makes sure you understand: "Their mega celebrity status is about to really blow up. So are Will & Kate about to become the biggest celebrities on the planet?"

And who better to verify the prediction than... Tamar Braxton, co-star of reality show Braxton Family Values with famous sis Toni, who offers the deep-reaching commentary: "They are definitely the biggest stars on the planet. It's like Lady Gaga & Justin Bieber getting married. Can't get any better than that."

No, Tamar, this really is the best in terms of overblown hyperbole by the U.S. media, making a story out of nonsense. I've just giggled until I might have wet myself. And that's the news for now.