"To cause undue suffering by allowing Fergie's wretched voice to decimate such a beautiful landscape is the work of the devil. I had to spare the world." —God
A massive assault planned by Black Eyed Peas to kill all living flora and fauna in Central Park with a gruesome live concert Thursday evening was abruptly canceled when God sent a fiery thunderstorm across New York.
The horrible vocals, sing-song melodies and laughable choreography, which was expected to bring 60,000 hallucinogenic spectators to the park's Great Lawn, was scheduled for 7:30 p.m., but was delayed an hour and then canceled all together because of God's intervention.
God told The Smoking Nun, "New Yorkers are a good lot. To cause undue suffering and pain by allowing Fergie's wretched voice to decimate such a beautiful landscape is the work of the devil. I had to spare the world." He added, "Boom Boom Pow Pow, indeed!"
The concert was also to feature Taylor Swift, Natasha Bedingfield, LL Cool J, Carole King, MC Hammer and Debbie Harry—who were spared guilt by association with the worst pop group in the history of god's bountiful Earth.
Harry confided to The Nun, "Wait, I thought this was a soup kitchen. I like split pea a lot. Who the hell are these freaks?"