New York Subway Gross-Out: Nail File

I'm sure you can imagine the myriad of less-than-hygienic or just plain annoying activities New Yorkers bear everyday in the subway system. No? By all means, let me assist. There's of course the homeless habit of relieving oneself in plain view in the station. The fragrance of pee and vomit onboard or better, a passed-out homeless person sprawled across five seats who hasn't bathed this month.

The bag beaters—women with enormous purses that continually smack my knee—spitting, the iPod that's so loud it sounds like a boombox, hysterical infants in strollers whose oblivious mommy hasn't considered adding Jack Daniels to the baby's bottle to sedate the little monster... Uh, the woman who was kind enough to give birth on the F train platform last June. Ew.

There's the most oft-heard grievance of idiots who don't let people off the train before shoving themselves on. Dumbasses who stop on station stairs to check cell phones or to text. Subway evangelicals whose script hits repeat after only two stations. Fat-asses who take two seats on a packed train, then open their gargantuan thighs to command a third seat. Smacking down on McDonald's and letting Big Mac fixings scatter and splatter all over the subway car.

Mercy, I could go on. But there's a point here, cool cats. Tonight on the way home I witnessed something that absolutely repulsed me, and no matter how many dirty, offended looks I flashed at this cretin, he was oblivious to the fact that the reason his mamer changed her phone number is because of his filthy habits. This dude was clipping his nails on the train, then propelling them forward onto the floor. Cleaning under the cut nails and flicking filth off of the clipper. It went on and on. This guy must have, like, 30 fingers.

Hey gross guy, I hope you're reading this. No one will ever love you... Am I wrong here? He should be banned from public display, yes?