What's Making Me Happy Today: A Sweet New Coffeemaker

Welcome to The Smoking Nun's occasional new feature "Taylor Made: What Makes Me Happy Today," as we put a cork in any negativity that pervaded 2011 and look with determination toward a bright 2012. So there.

I'm the kind of would-be Depression-era dude who spends 10 minutes shopping with a finicky eye for a package of hotdogs, so just imagine the amount of research it took to purchase a new coffeemaker.

For the past couple years, I've been using one of those Gevalia machines that comes "free" when you purchase a few boxes of their very average, overpriced coffee. But now that I'm working most every morning at 8 a.m. and rising before the sun at 6 a.m., my caffeine consumption has become all the more crucial... and the fact that this unit was slow as winter molasses, awkward as hell to fill with water and dripped all over the kitchen countertop every time I poured a cup of java became increasingly irritating.

Let the shopping begin! After scouring the webbie and reading dozens (and dozens) of reviews, from Consumer Reports to Coffeegeek.com, and perusing the wares during J.C. Penney's Christmas "sale" while doting from one discount store to another in downtown Brooklyn, I was dumbfounded to discover that a damn coffeemaker cannot be had for less than $25 for the cheapest white piece of junk (why the hell would anyone consider white for an appliance that makes brown liquid, eh?).

At long last, after researching with the intensity of buying a new car, I settled on one cool gizmo: the Hamilton Beach 12-cup Illusion, an awfully pretty space age designed coffeemaker with just the right amount of features to make me smile every morn and get my fingers roaring across the computer keys: drip-free pouring, for god's sake, auto pause, a clock you can actually see and, most important, brewing that actually makes hot java (as assured in user reviews).

Best of all—ever the slumdog—I used credit card points to get the coffeemaker from Amazon without paying a dime. Two days in, I'm one happy and energetic morning guy. My Illusion (Model 44755) drips like lightning, does not make a mess on the countertop and stays hot. At 8 a.m., that's all I ask.