Monday, January 9, 2012

Dumbass Baby Names: Beyonce & Jay-Z Spawn 'Blue Ivy Carter'

While "Blue Ivy Carter" is pretty in theory, as a name, Beyonce and Jay-Z's just-spawned baby girl is
Beyonce and her little bundle of joy, Blue Ivy.
yet another example of pretentious celebrities inflicting their offspring with asinine monikers... because when you're an important world-class celebrity, Bob or Barbara just won't do. Good god, almighty.

At least the little one won't be named "Blue Ivy Z," I suppose. And the name is still 1,000 times more sensible than Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon's twins Moroccan Scott Cannon (Roc, after a Moroccan-inspired room in their NYC apartment) and Monroe Cannon, named after Marilyn Monroe. And thank god Beyonce hasn't shared photos with the world of her bulbous belly—which I've always believed is something that should remain private and behind closed doors.

Lifiting from my own Mariah-related post last May, if only most celebs could be as cool as Matthew McConaughey, who named his kids Levi and Vida—instead of the foolhardy audacity of Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin, who decided Apple would damage their daughter enough for a lifetime of therapy.

And let's not forget Michael Jackson's boy Blanket, brother Jermaine Jackson's kid Jermajesty, Geri Halliwell's Bluebell Madonna or Toni Braxton's Denim & Diezel... or the best worst offspring names of all: Demi Moore & Bruce Willis' horse-faced girls Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue & Tallulah Belle. Runner up: Bob Geldof's Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle & Little Pixie.

What a world. Oh, what a world... *