The 2015 Grammy Awards: Best & Worst Of The Night

Oh, those Grammys! What a night of yuk yuks! Here are the top 10 most notable moments, according to your humble music journo... Ready or not!

* Best Perf: Annie Lennox performing w/Hozier. Damn! I was actually clapping at the TV. Those pipes, that roar, baby! And she was having a blast.

* Worst Perf: Madonna’s camel toe. Enough with the vag, Madge.

* Worst Perf II: Kanye West. Still thinks he’s a musician, huh? Grandpappy McCartney & Rihanna added nothing to the biggest zero “event” of the night.

* Put some big boy pants on: AC/DC, Pharrell Williams. And what’s up with the bellhop hat, kiddo? 

* Best dressed: Taylor Swift’s stunning swan-like turquoise gown.

* Buzz factor: Sam Smith’s ubiquitous “Stay with Me,” at last "awakened." Thank you, Mary J. Blige!

* LOL: Why is Tom Jones orange? Somebody wrote on FB that he looked like Fred Sanford. Heee. Prince’s afro was right frightful, too.

* Surprise!: Beyonce’s immaculate gospel reading of “Take My Hand Precious Lord.” Wow, my ears didn't bleed!

* Oops: Katy Perry, honey, stick to the pop schmaltz. Your “serious” performance was way too "precious."

* Those we lost: Seeing my hero Casey Kasem as one of 2014's dearly departed got me misty. I owe my career to his impact on me as a kid.

* Zzzzz: Adam Levine & Gwen Stefani were as engaging as beige. Yawn... And boy, she struggled with those notes... "The Voice"? Not so much.

* Swoon: Ariana Grande, showing again that she's a gifted vocalist. Lovely, restrained performance of "Just A Little Bit of My Heart." Love my Ari.

* Swoon II: Tony Bennett & Gaga, singing beautifully & having fun together as pals. She sabotaged her pop career w/too many gimmicks, but Ga sure can swagger.

* WTF: Another inexplicable Album of the Year win... Beck. Obviously a voting split between Smith (shoulda) & Beyonce left us with a lame duck (Just like 2011's Arcade Fire win). Not just an upset, but upsetting for those of us who take pride as NARAS voters.

* WTF2: Obama lambasting the occasion with a grave downer message about domestic violence. Relevant, but here? Really?

Taylor Top 10: 2012!

Counting Down The Hits: Bobby, Timmy & Meese, 120 In All

For the past, oh, 75 years or so, Bobby, Timmy & I have counted down our respective top 40 hits for the year gone past in an exhaustive (if not exhausting) marathon together. For 2011, we were a little late on the draw, but gathered Friday in Brooklyn Heights to share all 120.

Here's the way it works: We draw coins to determine who goes first, second and third; then each count down 10 at a time, moving forward from 40-31, 30-21, 20-11 and then 10-5 and 4-1. In all, this year, the process took about six hours, with numerous requisite starts and stops for booze refills, snacks and conversational asides.

In past years, we've had guests join in the mayhem, including one year in which there were five of us in total. Mercy. That would be one of the years where I fell asleep long before we reached the peak...

This time, I'm proud to say we all remained awake, alert and relatively sober, from 40-1, 40-1 and even 40-1. Tim's No. 1 for 2011: "Jumping" from Kara. Bob's: "Be With You" from Erasure. And mine: "Set Fire To the Rain" from Adele.

If you missed my top 40, it was posted on The Smoking Nun January 9. See the full list here.

The Taylor Top 40 Songs Of 2011

At last, cool cats... the year 2011 in music. Since 1980—geez, more than 30 years—I've conjured the Taylor Top 100 each passing year, though admittedly in the past few years as I've discovered fewer and fewer new songs that tickle my audio fancy, I've downsized to a crisp Top 40.

In the past, I've also come up with exhaustive lists of the Top Albums, Artists, etc. Again, not so much anymore. All the same, the good in 2011 was absolutely superlative. And so...

Top Singles Artist: Much like the rest of the world, Adele was my year's chieftain goddess, manning the No. 1 TTT song of the year, "Set Fire To The Rain." Originally, the Moto Blanco Edit ruled, but by year end, the single edit and April's live performance on the U.K. Graham Norton Show were equally beloved, so I stripped off any specific version. Adele also delivered the No. 3 song, the heartbreaking "Someone Like You," which I remain convinced she wrote just for me; as well as No. 11's Lenny B Remix of Billboard's 2011 No. 1 song, "Rolling in the Deep."

Top Singles Artist, Runner-Up: Lady Gaga made a stellar showing this past year, with the most entries of any artist in the year-end countdown, at five: No. 5 "Born This Way," No. 12 "The Edge Of Glory (Sunshine Radio Edit," No. 19's playful "The Lady Is A Tramp" with Tony Bennett (his first appearance ever on a year-end tally), No. 22's "Judas" and "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)," a sweet pop song obviously recorded before Gaga found her true grit.

Top Male Artist: While Darren Hayes made his best showing ever on the TTT at No. 2 with the maudlin "Black Out The Sun," Matt Zarley's three singles propelled him to masculine glory on this year's countdown: No. 9 with "WTF," No. 17's "Forgive Me (For Not Forgiving You)" and "Change Begins With Me" at No. 26.

Best New Artist: 4Q entry Christina Perri's haunting break-up songs hit me upside the head (thanks to Donna Mae intro'ing), with oh-so-dark "The Lonely" at No. 6 and equally commiserative "Jar of Hearts" at No. 15. Already in 2012, her "A Thousand Years" is scoring points.

Sheena Easton made a profound impact on the year's top 40 with vintage hits "You've Learned To Live Without Me" and "To Anyone," both top entries on my fall post-breakup playlist "Cry Baby." "You've Learned To Live Without Me" improved its original showing as 1995's No. 53, catapulting to No. 7 for the year; while 1991's No. 22 "To Anyone" encored this year at No. 38. Sheena also gets props via the No. 24 kitschy "beautiful music" version of "Morning Train" from Paul Mauriat.

While Celine Dion has not recorded anything new in years (new English and French projects are due in 2012), she scores a top 10 appearance with her stunning encore performance of "The Prayer" Live in Central Park with Andrea Bocelli.

Best Album: Sorry, there's really no such thing anymore... In good faith, I cannot claim that a single long-play project worked me in 2011.

Worst Singles of the Year: Much easier: "Just Can't Get Enough," a typical piece of horse dung from Black Eyed Peas; "Super Bass" from no-talent harlot Nicki Minaj; and "Party Rock Anthem" from LMFAO. Sadly, the latter novelty act had the last laugh, with this gruesome dance-crap loop finishing for 2011 at No. 2 on Billboard. I deem it the year's "Macarena," a song that fans will be ashamed of liking a year from now. *

And now... the 2011 Taylor Top 40
 1. Set Fire To The Rain—Adele
 2. Black Out The Sun—Darren Hayes
 3. Someone Like You—Adele
 4. Price Tag—Jessie J f/B.o.B.
 5. Born This Way—Lady Gaga
 6. The Lonely—Christina Perri
 7. You've Learned To Live Without Me—Sheena Easton
 8. Daze—Beu Sisters
 9. WTF—Matt Zarley
10. The Prayer (Live in Central Park)—Andrea Bocelli & Celine Dion
11. Rolling In The Deep (Lenny B Remix)—Adele
12. The Edge Of Glory (Sunshine Radio Edit)—Lady Gaga
13. I'm Into You—Jennifer Lopez w/William Levy
14. Summer Rain (Almighty Radio Edit)—Matthew Morrison
15. Jar of Hearts—Christina Perri
16. Last Friday Night (DJ Mike Bass Mix)—Katy Perry
17. Forgive Me (For Not Forgiving You)—Matt Zarley
18. My Heart Is Broken—Evanescence
19. The Lady is a Tramp—Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga
20. Love Is A Losing Game—Amy Winehouse
21. Moves Like Jagger—Maroon 5 f/ Christina Aguilera
22. Judas—Lady GaGa
23. Grenade—Bruno Mars
24. Morning Train—Paul Mauriat f/Sheena Easton
25. Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)—Lady Gaga
26. Change Begins With Me—Matt Zarley
27. It's Not Goodbye—Laura Pausini
28. World Keeps Turning—Sylvia Tosun
29. I'm Not Ready—Michael Bolton & Delta Goodrem
30. Best Thing I Never Had (Mike Dre mix)—Beyonce
31. Sleeping Satellite—Kim Wilde
32. Please Stay—Westlife
33. Above All—Sylvia Tosun
34. Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart—Alicia Keys
35. Say Hello To Goodbye—Shontelle
36. Goodbye Girl—Rumer
37. California King Bed (Goon Rock Remix) Edit—Rihanna
38. To Anyone—Sheena Easton
39. Boys Do Fall In Love (Long Version)—Robin Gibb
40. Heartache All Over The World (Megamix)—Elton John

Billboard's Top 10 Singles For 2011: The Good, The Bad, The Worst...

While the year in music was beautifully capped by Adele scoring a first-ever triple crown, with the No. 1 album 21, single "Rolling in the Deep" and Top Artist, much of 2011, according to Billboard's year-end charts, was scary as usual, with a crock of hip-hop bullshit pervading the top 10... including the dubious presence of the two worst acts of the year, Nicki Minaj and Black Eyed Peas.

Man, I thought we had made progress from so many loop-driven production-fueled hits from the late 1990s and returned to a blissful majority of melodic music ruling the charts over the past few years. And yet, exploring Billboard's Top 10 Singles of 2011...

1. "Rolling in the Deep," Adele
With seven weeks atop the Hot 100 and three monster Grammy nominations, along with Adele's No. 1 album 21 and Top Artist nod, "Rolling in the Deep" set the standard for meaningful poetic music in 2011, catapulting the former chubby beanie-wearing old-soul Brit singer to a world-class elegant chanteuse. Along with "Someone Like You" (Billboard's year-end No. 24) and U.K. hit "Set Fire To the Rain," she proffered three of the absolute best of the year.
 
2. "Party Rock Anthem," LMFAO
Egads. "Anthem" is this year's inarguable "Macarena," a noisy gimmick-filled electronic novelty song that will be forgotten in six months time... Thank god it didn't finish at the top (as did "Macarena," forever marring 1996's year-end chart). Now if only LMFAO would fade as quickly as Los Del Rio. Utter shite.

3. "Firework," Katy Perry
Fine, fine... Katy Perry is a master of pop hooks sung at full volume with the windows down and a summertime breeze blowing. I prefer her "Last Friday Night," but all of Perry's hits are pretty much interchangeable. I was hoping that "Peacock" from Teenage Dream would be released, just to see if nutball Tipper Gore came out of hiding to proclaim it a vulgar detriment to our nation's youthful chastity.

4. "E.T," Katy Perry f/ Kanye West
Ditto from above, with the footnote that if you want to ruin a decent song, just add "featured artist" Kanye West, Pitbull, T-Pain, Lil Wayne or Missy Elliott. The flatulent presence of Kanye here was little more than a cheap record label ploy to guarantee another No. 1 on the singles chart. This is like adding vinegar to vodka...

5. Give Me Everything," Pitbull f/ Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer
Ha, ha, ha... Ever seen a surging 100 mph train engine barrel into a stalled car at a railroad crossing? There you have "Give Me Everything." Hip-hop & dance is an incompatible trend that really makes me snicker... through my tears.

6. "Grenade," Bruno Mars
The finest male pop artist of 2011. Following last year's breakthrough "Just the Way You Are," Bruno's "Grenade" is a fine sing-along song, with an instantaneous chorus, visual lyrics and an exceptional vocal. Baby, this is what it's all about.

7. "Fuck You (Forget You)," Cee Lo Green
"Fuck You" is pretty fucking funny and while it emanates contrivance, Cee Lo came up with a mighty clever kiss-off song. If only radio hadn't played it that 8932754983472623458967th time, I might still be able to stand hearing it.

8. "Super Bass," Nicki Minaj
Without the overbearing imaging that is Nicki Minaj, this "artist" would likely still be working toward her peak career potential as a dishwasher at Denny's or a burger assembler at White Castle (too scary to be in the public eye, you see). Behind her atrocious bubble boobs, pink wigs, Barbie doll ass and trampy vampy trollop persona, "Super Bass" is nothing more than affected processed nails-on-chalkboard rapid-fire Betty Boop vocals and production blips, with a relentless "boom daboom" ear-crushing "hook." This track makes me want to stop the car in the middle of a railroad crossing to make it all go away. How this act became a pop culture heroine is absolutely, utterly beyond reason... It's not as if she could have slept her way to the top. Can you imagine what a filthy tryst that would be?

9. "Moves Like Jagger," Maroon 5 f/ Christina Aguilera
Maroon 5 has maintained mojo as one of few uptempo groups that continues to conjure creative hooks, a steady stream of juicy sing-along songs and quality top 40 grooves. "Jagger" is an ingenious swath of dance pop, and Christina Aguilera soars with beautiful restraint as the featured vocalist. The only thing I don't quite get is why Adam Levine has been embraced as a sex symbol. To me, he's just a skinny white boy with a great soulful voice.

10. "Just Can't Get Enough," Black Eyed Peas
I crowned "Boom Boom Pow" and "My Humps" the Worst Song in each of their respective release years; with "Just Can't Get Enough," Black Eyed Peas unequivocally earns the trophy a third time. This is the biggest piece of shit that invaded the radio airwaves in 2011, with Fergie's typically off-kilter vocals and dated, silly vocoder enhancements from will.i.am and the other two anonymous members. Except for the surprisingly harmonic "Where Is the Love," this group has never displayed one lick of talent (remember Super Bowl 2010?)—especially Grandma Fergie—while its dissonant collection of hits are the absolute worst of the millennium, bar none.

Lastly, where the hell was Lady Gaga among the Billboard top 10 for 2011? Her best showing was No. 18 with "Born This Way" (with "The Edge of Glory" at No. 29), which both seem suspiciously underrated. Album Born This Way thankfully finished the year at No. 3 (behind Adele and Taylor Swift's anemic Speak Now),  while she was the No. 4 Singles Artist (following Adele, Rihanna and Katy Perry). I find that curiously fucked up. Rest assured, that gaffe will be remedied in the upcoming Taylor Top 40!