The 2015 Taylor Top 50... Who Is Where and Why?

Wowsah, what a year in melodic music! Not so fast… that’s actually not praise. With singsong nursery rhyme one-line choruses and gimmick-filled hip-hop pervading the airwaves, 2015 proffered tough love. Last year, I discovered a hopeful muse—Ariana Grande—whose momentous melodies accompany effortless vocals that can be recreated live. This young lady delivered my No.1 single of 2014, “Love Me Harder,” f/The Weeknd. In 2015, I rewound and discovered her previous hits, which sustained me through the current pop tundra.

In 2015, Ariana Grande again leads the Taylor Top 50 countdown with her infectious dance hit “Break Free,” f/Zedd. She joins four other acts who have scored consecutive year-end No. 1’s on the TT50 since 1981: Sheena Easton, Celine Dion, Adele and Jon Secada.

There’s more to the story: Ariana owns an unprecedented SEVEN among the top 10 slots this year. While I respect her talent, she’s not yet a member of the historic pantheon commandeered by Sheena and Celine. Rather, her standing is a testament to how few competitors Ari had in 2015… Not to whine like the ole man I am, but I found many of 2015’s radio hits reminiscent of another era’s MC Hammer or Puff Daddy. In my book, “All About That Bass” is the millennial “Macarena.”

Back to Ariana, because with 12 titles in my top 50, she is certainly more than a “default.” Listen to her walloping soprano in the joyous “One Last Time,” alongside delicate accompaniment with Andrea Bocelli in “E Più Ti Penso” and commanding heartache in ballad “Just A Little Bit of Your Heart.” There ain’t nothing this 23yo can’t do.

My 2015 Best New Artist is Tori Kelly—Grammy-nominated for the same title—whose “Nobody Love” is No. 2, because I spun it nearly every damn day all year. She also places “Should’ve Been Us” at No. 24 and “Hollow” at No. 31. Tori’s stellar lead in a “Joy of Pepsi” commercial was so fun that it lands at No. 58.

Among other female vocalists, Adele roars in at No. 3 with the ubiquitous “Hello”—after back-to-back year-end No. 1’s: “Skyfall” in 2012 and “Set Fire to the Rain” in 2011. Jessie J returns with two hits: “Flashlight” and “Masterpiece,” after sharing No. 5 in 2014 with Ariana Grande via “Bang Bang.”

Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” would have been my No. 2 for the year, given the millions of times I played it… however, it already placed at No. 7 in 2014. Swiftie grazes this year’s countdown with “Style” at No. 44, “Wildest Dreams” at No. 53 and “New Romantics” at No. 59. And how about Mariah Carey making a return at No. 10 with a cut from 1997’s “Butterfly” that I heard on SiriusXM? ”Whenever You Call” is everything we used to love about the siren when she created beautiful melodies.

Nick Jonas is the highest-charting male solo act, with “Chains” at No. 11, which succeeds his 2014 No. 10 “Jealous.” And U.K. indie act Junior Turner returns for the third consecutive year with No. 12 “Guardian Angel.” Last year, this beloved and consistent singer/songwriter prevailed with a chart-trumping five top 50 hits, including No. 2 “Save Me.”

And hey, hey, Celine Dion is back after a two-year absence with her tear-inducing live AMA’s tribute to the Paris terrorist attacks. Her reading of Edith Piaf’s “Hymne a l'Amour” embodies all that makes Celine the most successful artist in TTT history. But you already knew that.

The worst of the year? Yeah you, Fetty Wap. Remember wildly popular novelties cum implosions Iggy Azalea and Kesha? Enjoy it, dude… quickly. And I still can't understand the appeal of Nicki Minaj or Meghan Trainor. On that note, 2015 is a wrap, cool cats. Thanks for reading!

Nicki Minaj As 'American Idol' Judge? That Should Seal The Deal...

♪ If American Idol was looking to at last sound its death knell, consider the nail hammered into the hole. Nicki Minaj as a judge? Pardon me for one moment... Ha ha ha ha ha, oh, god, as my laughter turns to tears... In the kindest of terms, I ask: What the fuck are they thinking?

The new cast of judges—Mariah Carey, Keith Urban, Randy Jackson & Minaj—gathered this weekend in NYC, where filming began at Lincoln Center for Idol's 12th season, which launches in January 2013. Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez left the show last year, after two seasons where the audience bottomed out to its lowest levels since the show debuted in 1910, down 30% in 2011.

I've said this before: AI's previous five "winners" have all been non-pop male singers, quite likely based on an audience base of Southern voters. Four words, cool cats: Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson. Simply, female talent is best suited to hold attention post-competition, not to mention the worthy distraction of fresher alternatives, like The Voice. (Sorry, X-Factor sucks.)

Earlier speculation about the show's new judges included Enrique Iglesias and former Idol finalist Adam Lambert. Can you imagine? A sexy singer and an audacious gay? Now that might have fostered some worthwhile TV.

But back to the point: Nicki Minaj not only is the least talented popular artist currently on radio, but a one-dimensional cartoon character. I'd truly be pleased to be dead wrong: Perhaps Minaj will offer the breath of honest judgment the show has been lacking for years (Ellen, poor Ellen)... but it's hard to imagine, given previous interviews and public appearances I've witnessed, where Minaj's T&A appear twice as large as her brain.

Carey will pocket $18 million for her first season on American Idol, according to Hollywood Reporter. Minaj's contract is worth $12 million, while Urban receives a paltry $6 million (astonishing, given the show's country bent). And host Ryan Seabreast has committed to two more seasons for $15 million each. Jackson's $$ is anyone's guess. Fox obviously believes its investment will be repaid in endorsement deals, concerts and associated product—if not ratings. But honestly, Idol, there comes a day when... "It's time to say goodbye." ♪ *

Mariah Carey's 'Triumphant' Flop: Single Fails To Chart Inside Top 100

On August 8, The Smoking Nun wrote about Mariah Carey's new single, saying her "creaky, hip-hop infused 'Triumphant' is anything but." It's apparent that Mimi still thinks listeners are in the 1990s, because the song is so hijacked by rap that she's a mere afterthought in her own song.

Apparently, we were not alone. "Triumphant" is a bona fide floperoo, selling a mere 23,000 digital downloads, which gave it a debut on the singles chart at No. 115... actually outside of the Billboard Hot 100. The single droppped out of the U.S. iTunes Top Ten in less than three days after its August 3 release, and has since dropped from the iTunes Top 200 altogether.

So much for that mess... I wonder if she has already recorded the majority of her 14th studio album, due for release in 2013—or whether there's still time for Mariah to actually make some music. Honey-pie, we tried to tell you: Hip-hop is yesterday's news. *

Mariah Carey's Creaky Hip-Hop Infused 'Triumphant' Is Anything But

Apparently, Mariah Carey is so a'feared of competing with the young'uns that she has resorted to a new single that is so tried-and-tired, it sounds like it was recorded 10 years ago. Sadly, "Triumphant (Get ‘Em)," produced by Jermaine Dupri and Bryan-Michael Cox, is front-loaded with so much annoying hip-hop that Mimi is a mere afterthought in her own song. Instead, the single is hijacked by rappers Rick Ross and Meek Mills, with Mariah essentially providing background vocals.

Sounds like the new mama hasn't been listening to radio lately, as top 40 has returned to glistening pop melodies. CHR stations are seeing their highest ratings in years. Why? Because a new generation of listeners is weary of same-ole hip-hop rants, and open to the kinds of sing-along melodies that pervaded radio 15 years ago. Call it a reawakening. Call "Triumphant" anything but.

Mariah's new gig as a judge on American Idol will only prop her up so much. While it guarantees weekly exposure through another endless season of the long-in-the-tooth "reality" show, my guess is she's going to be either too nice or way too shallow to rise above Grandaddy Randy Jackson shouting "Dawg!" for the 100,000th time. And while we're at it, girlfriend best start her Atkins diet soon. The airbrushed single cover is far from reality, as we see from the July 30 pics to the left. Whoops!

"Triumphant (Get ‘Em)" is the teaser from what will be Mariah's 13th studio album. She tweeted, "I wrote 'Triumphant' when I was going through a difficult time. When u hear it, pay attention 2 the lyrics." Um... what lyrics? Beyond Ross and Meek, there's precious little here... It's like "We Belong Together," sans any semblance of the artist, aside from a sing-song chorus.

At a time when Mariah could have shown the little girls who's boss with a pop track showcasing her vocal abilities, a la "Emotion," this is not only a major disappointment, it's utterly less than zero. Hear for yourself here or below. *

Mariah Carey Confirmed As New 'American Idol' Judge

Thank god. Fox TV confirmed Monday that Mariah Carey has signed on as a judge for the 194th season of American Idol. According to sources, Mimi is set to make somewhere between $12 and $17 million to judge the next endless season.

I couldn't be more relieved. Producers surely won't put another diva on the team in the chair beside Mariah... meaning Celine Dion, whom I was terrified would tarnish her career by even considering going down on this sinking ship.

The best part: Mariah has never been the sharpest knife in the drawer. She might just give Paula Abdul a run for some of the most confounding statements ever. Things might just get interesting, after all. (Just kidding! Who cares?!)

Dumbass Baby Names: Beyonce & Jay-Z Spawn 'Blue Ivy Carter'

While "Blue Ivy Carter" is pretty in theory, as a name, Beyonce and Jay-Z's just-spawned baby girl is

Beyonce and her little bundle of joy, Blue Ivy.

yet another example of pretentious celebrities inflicting their offspring with asinine monikers... because when you're an important world-class celebrity, Bob or Barbara just won't do. Good god, almighty.

At least the little one won't be named "Blue Ivy Z," I suppose. And the name is still 1,000 times more sensible than Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon's twins Moroccan Scott Cannon (Roc, after a Moroccan-inspired room in their NYC apartment) and Monroe Cannon, named after Marilyn Monroe. And thank god Beyonce hasn't shared photos with the world of her bulbous belly—which I've always believed is something that should remain private and behind closed doors.

Lifiting from my own Mariah-related post last May, if only most celebs could be as cool as Matthew McConaughey, who named his kids Levi and Vida—instead of the foolhardy audacity of Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin, who decided Apple would damage their daughter enough for a lifetime of therapy.

And let's not forget Michael Jackson's boy Blanket, brother Jermaine Jackson's kid Jermajesty, Geri Halliwell's Bluebell Madonna or Toni Braxton's Denim & Diezel... or the best worst offspring names of all: Demi Moore & Bruce Willis' horse-faced girls Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue & Tallulah Belle. Runner up: Bob Geldof's Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle & Little Pixie.

What a world. Oh, what a world... *

Mariah's Twins Born To Her Own Music... Live, With Applause(!!)

That Mariah Carey just keeps getting more and more whack. After posing near-nude for two magazines in what appeared to be her 15th month of pregnancy, there's news that Mimi insisted on playing her own music in the delivery room to welcome twins Moroccan Scott and Monroe.

Now I've never given birth meeself, but I'm guessing there's already a lot of screaming going on, without much need for a five-octave squeal to further frighten the newborns...

It gets even more bizarre. According to hubbie Nick Cannon, when the twins were born via C-section April 30, "My wife wanted to make sure that they came out not only to a Mariah Carey song, but a live performance from Mariah Carey: her Madison Square Garden performance of 'Fantasy,' so they came out to a round of applause."

And now we officially graduate from weird to just plain fucked up. ("Fantasy" artwork: AJ via Flickr)

Mariah Carey Continues Trend of Dumbass Celebrity Baby Names

Meet Mariah and Nick's kids: Moroccan and Monroe! Aren't they adorable?

If only the majority of celebs could be as cool as Matthew McConaughey, who named his kids Levi and Vida.

Instead, Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon are following in the footsteps of Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin, who decided Apple would damage their daughter enough for a lifetime of therapy. And let's not forget Michael Jackson's boy Blanket, brother Jermaine Jackson's kid Jermajesty, Geri Halliwell's Bluebell Madonna or Toni Braxton's Denim & Diezel.

Or the best worst offspring names of all: Demi Moore & Bruce Willis' horse-faced girls Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue & Tallulah Belle. Runner up: Bob Geldof's Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle & Little Pixie.

Oh, heavens, aren't celebs funny as shit? So here's the latest... Mariah and Nick have deemed their twins, born on Saturday, son Moroccan Scott Cannon, whom they'll call Roc—after a Moroccan-inspired room in their NYC apartment—and daughter Monroe Cannon, named after Marilyn Monroe. She has no middle name, just cause Mariah doesn't have one either.

More asinine celebrity baby names after the jump... if you dare...

Mariah Carey Finally Pops! Stand By For Vaginal Canal Pics...

Mariah Carey, 41, has at last popped out her twins, which she's been sharing with us via the highest bidders—Life & Style and OK!—for what seems like years.

On her third anniversary with hubbie Nick Cannon, she delivered both a girl and a boy, ensuring that another generation of gays will live on, since everybody knows that singing divas' male kids are always queer (read: Barbra Streisand).

I'm certain within days we'll be seeing pics of both babies pushing through her vaginal canal, since Mariah loves to share... for a price. Indeed, she has a Vi$ion of Love!

Even Nick Cannon Realizes New Nudies Of Mariah Are Revolting

It was bad enough when Mariah Carey insisted on showing the world her gruesomely pregnant belly in last week's Life & Style magazine. Now she and hubby Nick Cannon have pushed the envelope further in a far more engrossing image covering the U.K.'s OK! magazine.

This time, the pair is stark naked, as Cannon gropes Carey's outrageously generous bosom, while the inside picolas border on the kind of porn you hide under the floorboards for fear of being arrested for overt perversion (pictured tastefully tiny below left).

Cannon, in an apparent latent moment of catharsis, remarked that it hadn't occurred to him that the couple's "children are going to have to see these pictures. It's a little nasty. I mean, have you ever seen your parents naked?"

I hope to god Mimi pops these damn babies out before she further prostitutes herself to another rag, likely displaying anatomically specific shots of where the kids are going to be birthed. At this point, it hardly seems beyond the realm of reality. Eww.

Webbie Posts 'Ridiculous Celine Dion Photos' (Oh, And They Are!)

Funny as hell... There's a spanking new webbie called Ridiculous Pictures of Celine Dion via Tumblr and my god, there is some hysterical stuff here. Let's remember that Celine is a very expressive, well-traveled woman, so the camera is bound to catch her in some less than flattering poses. But unlike Mariah Carey, at least she kept her damn clothes on during her pregnancies. All in good fun, eh?

Mariah Carey Bares Way Too Much On Life & Style Cover

The April 19 cover of Life & Style offers an easy remedy for anyone who needs to lose a few pounds. Observe Mariah Carey's (photo-shopped) baby bump... and vomit. There's a reason why specialty shops sell maternity clothes: so pregnant women can maintain dignity while their navels stick out a half inch from their swollen stomachs.

"I was feeling vulnerable about taking pictures right now, but I didn't want to miss this opportunity to document this once-in-a-lifetime experience," Mariah told the magazine. "My ultimate goal was to share this incredibly personal moment with my true fans."

Mimi, you shouldn't have. Really. Mariah has never been shy about sharing every iota of her body, but this view is simply not meant for public consumption. Ew, ew and ewwww.

Happy Birthday Carole King

While Carole King—who turned 69 on Wednesday—scored five top 10 singles in the early 1970s as a solo artist ("I Feel the Earth Move," "It's Too Late," "Sweet Seasons," "Jazzman," "Nightingale"), along with her seminal No. 1 album "Tapestry," the four-time Grammy winner, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer and Songwriter's Hall of Fame inductee logged what is arguably her greatest accomplishment in 1997, when she penned the luscious "The Reason" for Celine Dion's "Let's Talk About Love" album—and sang backing vocals on the track with the world's greatest singer.

While that song, which was produced by Sir George Martin, was never released in the U.S. (Sony=duh), it spent 13 weeks at No. 1 in France (selling 1 million copies), reached No. 11 in the U.K. and 13 in Ireland.

Carole and Celine performed "The Reason" on VH1's first "Divas Live" concert in 1998 in New York—which happens to be the first time I met Celine Dion face to face, after interviewing her on the phone numerous times for Billboard.

I have crystal clear memories of sitting in the audience at Beacon Theater, sitting beside Celine's hubby Rene, watching her rehearse with Carole King. The latter, sitting at the piano, asked Celine a question about the the tempo, and she responded, "Anyway you want to, honey." Their performance for the show was utterly riveting: two legends interacting for the world to see. Carole also performed "You've Got a Friend," with other Divas Shania Twain and Mariah Carey. Thank god Aretha Franklin, who did everything in her 500-pound power to hijack the evening, sat that one out.Following the rehearsal, Rene invited me to join he, Celine, Sony reps and their staff for a dinner in the West Village. I was beside myself, equally thrilled and anxious. When I sat down at the table, Celine ended up cozying up right beside me.

By evening's end, I was sharing mashed potatoes with her, and she proved to be among the most down-to-earth, approachable, lovable talents I ever met. In my dealings with her over the following years, that never changed. She and Rene—despite their fame and fortune—are among the most humble, appreciative A-listers I've ever known. To this day, that night stands as one of the three greatest experiences of my career. Ever.

New Music For Christmas 2010

In addition to Mariah Carey's second holiday album, which we alerted you cool cats to last month, the potential top of the heap is led by Annie Lennox's "A Christmas Cornucopia." Let's hope the disc is more fashionable than this not-so-cute vintage CD cover... and for that matter, bounds better than her previous 2007, aptly titled "Songs of Mass Destruction." It's out Nov. 16.Also on the holiday roster: Mariah, Jessica Simpson, Susan Boyle, Katharine McPhee, Now That's What I Call Christmas 4, Olivia Newton-John (a collective of previous releases) and—loving this one—Wilson Phillips!

Mariah Holiday Redux

Nov. 2: Mariah Carey releases 13th studio CD "Merry Christmas II You," a re-recording of her pristine 1994 holiday album, including a rerub of modern classic "All I Want for Christmas Is You" and four new compositions, produced by Randy Jackson, Jermaine Dupri, James Poyser and renowned Broadway composer Marc Shaiman. First single is new "Oh Santa." Let's hope Mimi doesn't futz around too much in recasting these songs (say no to overtly urban/hip-hop holiday production); they were actually pretty perfect first time around... What a beautiful album cover, eh?

Celine Dion To Appear On The Grammys

Celine Dion will appear with fellow Grammy winners Jennifer Hudson, Smokey Robinson, Carrie Underwood and Usher, in a tribute to Michael Jackson, at the 52nd Grammys Sun. Jan. 31, on CBS. The feature includes a mini-movie for “Earth Song,” created by Jackson as a centerpiece for his “This Is It” tour.

One caveat: It's in 3D. How dumb. Target will be giving away glasses at the end of January. Advil should be kept on hand at home.Meanwhile, Soundscan announced the top 10-selling U.S. album artists of the 1990s:
1. GARTH BROOKS (68,363,000)
2. THE BEATLES (60,370,000)
3. MARIAH CAREY (52,388,000)
4. METALLICA (52,160,000)
5. CELINE DION (50,933,000)
6. GEORGE STRAIT (41,843,000)
7. TIM MCGRAW (38,677,000)
8. ALAN JACKSON (37,447,000)
9. PINK FLOYD (35,867,000)
10. EMINEM (35,326,000)

And the 10 Bestselling Albums of the Decade:
1. "Metallica"/METALLICA (15,500,000)
2. "Come On Over"/SHANIA TWAIN (15,487,000)
3. "Jagged Little Pill"/ALANIS MORISSETTE (14,642,000)
4. "Millennium"/BACKSTREET BOYS (12,109,000)
5. "Bodyguard" soundtrack/Various (11,815,000)
6. "Supernatural"/SANTANA (11,687,000)
7. "Beatles 1"/THE BEATLES (11,564,000)
8. "Human Clay"/CREED (11,547,000)
9. "No Strings Attached"/'N SYNC (11,113,000)
10. "Falling Into You"/CELINE DION (10,781,000)

Egads, Mariah Actually Sings Again

While American radio is suffering through "Obsessed," the first single from Mariah Carey's upcoming "Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel," Europe is being serviced with a song—you know, with a melody and a chorus and vocals and a build and stuff. I must say, Mimi knocks it out of the park with her soaring remake of Foreigner's 1985 chart-topper "I Want to Know What Love Is." She actually sings. Who'da thunk it possible in the millennium?

Mind you, Tina Arena delivered the consummate rerub of the song back in 1997, from her disc, "In Deep." Wynonna's 2005 dance remix wasn't too shabby, either.