Nicki Minaj As 'American Idol' Judge? That Should Seal The Deal...

♪ If American Idol was looking to at last sound its death knell, consider the nail hammered into the hole. Nicki Minaj as a judge? Pardon me for one moment... Ha ha ha ha ha, oh, god, as my laughter turns to tears... In the kindest of terms, I ask: What the fuck are they thinking?

The new cast of judges—Mariah Carey, Keith Urban, Randy Jackson & Minaj—gathered this weekend in NYC, where filming began at Lincoln Center for Idol's 12th season, which launches in January 2013. Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez left the show last year, after two seasons where the audience bottomed out to its lowest levels since the show debuted in 1910, down 30% in 2011.

I've said this before: AI's previous five "winners" have all been non-pop male singers, quite likely based on an audience base of Southern voters. Four words, cool cats: Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson. Simply, female talent is best suited to hold attention post-competition, not to mention the worthy distraction of fresher alternatives, like The Voice. (Sorry, X-Factor sucks.)

Earlier speculation about the show's new judges included Enrique Iglesias and former Idol finalist Adam Lambert. Can you imagine? A sexy singer and an audacious gay? Now that might have fostered some worthwhile TV.

But back to the point: Nicki Minaj not only is the least talented popular artist currently on radio, but a one-dimensional cartoon character. I'd truly be pleased to be dead wrong: Perhaps Minaj will offer the breath of honest judgment the show has been lacking for years (Ellen, poor Ellen)... but it's hard to imagine, given previous interviews and public appearances I've witnessed, where Minaj's T&A appear twice as large as her brain.

Carey will pocket $18 million for her first season on American Idol, according to Hollywood Reporter. Minaj's contract is worth $12 million, while Urban receives a paltry $6 million (astonishing, given the show's country bent). And host Ryan Seabreast has committed to two more seasons for $15 million each. Jackson's $$ is anyone's guess. Fox obviously believes its investment will be repaid in endorsement deals, concerts and associated product—if not ratings. But honestly, Idol, there comes a day when... "It's time to say goodbye." ♪ *

Mariah Carey's Creaky Hip-Hop Infused 'Triumphant' Is Anything But

Apparently, Mariah Carey is so a'feared of competing with the young'uns that she has resorted to a new single that is so tried-and-tired, it sounds like it was recorded 10 years ago. Sadly, "Triumphant (Get ‘Em)," produced by Jermaine Dupri and Bryan-Michael Cox, is front-loaded with so much annoying hip-hop that Mimi is a mere afterthought in her own song. Instead, the single is hijacked by rappers Rick Ross and Meek Mills, with Mariah essentially providing background vocals.

Sounds like the new mama hasn't been listening to radio lately, as top 40 has returned to glistening pop melodies. CHR stations are seeing their highest ratings in years. Why? Because a new generation of listeners is weary of same-ole hip-hop rants, and open to the kinds of sing-along melodies that pervaded radio 15 years ago. Call it a reawakening. Call "Triumphant" anything but.

Mariah's new gig as a judge on American Idol will only prop her up so much. While it guarantees weekly exposure through another endless season of the long-in-the-tooth "reality" show, my guess is she's going to be either too nice or way too shallow to rise above Grandaddy Randy Jackson shouting "Dawg!" for the 100,000th time. And while we're at it, girlfriend best start her Atkins diet soon. The airbrushed single cover is far from reality, as we see from the July 30 pics to the left. Whoops!

"Triumphant (Get ‘Em)" is the teaser from what will be Mariah's 13th studio album. She tweeted, "I wrote 'Triumphant' when I was going through a difficult time. When u hear it, pay attention 2 the lyrics." Um... what lyrics? Beyond Ross and Meek, there's precious little here... It's like "We Belong Together," sans any semblance of the artist, aside from a sing-song chorus.

At a time when Mariah could have shown the little girls who's boss with a pop track showcasing her vocal abilities, a la "Emotion," this is not only a major disappointment, it's utterly less than zero. Hear for yourself here or below. *

Mariah Carey Confirmed As New 'American Idol' Judge

Thank god. Fox TV confirmed Monday that Mariah Carey has signed on as a judge for the 194th season of American Idol. According to sources, Mimi is set to make somewhere between $12 and $17 million to judge the next endless season.

I couldn't be more relieved. Producers surely won't put another diva on the team in the chair beside Mariah... meaning Celine Dion, whom I was terrified would tarnish her career by even considering going down on this sinking ship.

The best part: Mariah has never been the sharpest knife in the drawer. She might just give Paula Abdul a run for some of the most confounding statements ever. Things might just get interesting, after all. (Just kidding! Who cares?!)

Celine Dion Judging 'American Idol'? I Pray It Never Happens

With Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler wisely jumping off the sinking ship that is American Idol, three names continue to dominate the A-list of potential judges: Mariah Carey, Celine Dion and Mary J. Blige.

God, I hope Celine knows better... First of all, her presence on a show that is more tarnished than the Statue of Liberty is not going to give her career a boost. She continues to sell out her Casear's Palace residency week after week in Las Vegas, while she has both an English-language and French album coming out before year end. Idol, who the hell needs you?

Hanging out with cliched, tired Randy Jackson is no day in the park, either. It's ironic that he remains the only among the original judges on the show... with the least to say, little in the way of constructive advice and nothing but a handful of catch phrases that wore out their welcome five years ago. No wonder Lopez and Tyler couldn't wait to hand in their rezzzzzzzzignations. Lopez announced her departure on Friday, a day after Tyler said he was leaving to concentrate on his role as Aerosmith's front man. Both appeared for two seasons.

Ratings are consistently tanking on the ole grand dame known as American Idol, and it's high time the show hangs up its hat for good... In May, it posted its lowest rated finale ever after a season that marked its poorest showing yet among viewers 18-49.

And the show is hardly generating stars among its victors anymore, thanks, in part, to consistently putting country dudes in the winner's circle... There's a reason that Carly Rae Jepsen has the No. 1 song in the nation: Female pop artists dominate, and that's what Idol should have been fostering (a la Katharine McPhee, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson)... instead of four dopey dudes the past four years running.


Celine... please. Don't do it. *

Week In Music: It's Like 2006 Again, As 'American Idol' Pervades Charts

While ratings for "American Idol's Season 11 finale may have plummeted 30% this year, the franchise's wares are splashed all about the Billboard 200 this week. Let's start with the surprisingly robust debut of 2012 winner Phillip Phillips, whose iTunes exclusive "Journey to the Finale" album launches at No. 11 with 24,000 in sales.

In addition, Phillips is the first artist to launch with a debut Hot 100 single inside the top 10 in four years, as his "Home" wallops the list at No. 10, selling a dazzling 278,000 downloads.

He also has a second song on the 100: a cover of Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band's "We've Got Tonite," which comes in at No. 97. His is the third version of the coveted song to appear on the chart. Kenny Rogers & Sheena Easton hit No. 6 in 1983 with their lustrous remake (which also topped the country chart), while Seger's original reached No. 13 in 1979.

Likewise, 2011 "Idol" contestant Haley Reinhart is offered a hearty welcome at No. 17 with her first album "Listen Up!" selling 20,000. And four notches down, at No. 21, the "American Idol Season 11: Top 2 Season Finale" EP also hits the album chart, with 18,000.

As expected, 2009 "AI" winner Kris Allen's sophomore set, "Thank You Camellia," commanded less of a chart tidal wave, debuting at a tepid No. 26, with 17,000. His  self-titled debut in 2009 opened at No. 11, with 80,000 in sales. Perhaps predicting his future: Allen is only the second “Idol” victor to fall short of the top 20 among those who have released a sophomore album. Taylor Hicks' “The Distance” entered at a paltry No. 58 in 2009. And where is he now?

There's more: 2012 "Idol" runner-up Jessica Sanchez also enters The Billboard 200 at No. 126, with her own "Journey to the Finale" album, moving 4,000 copies.

The news is less celebratory for another “Idol” alumnus: Adam Lambert's "Trespassing," which debuted on the Billboard 200 at No. 1 last week, plummets all the way to No. 12, with a 71% decline in sales. Ouch!

And while Carrie Underwood has far surpassed her title as an “American Idol” winner, she holds steady this week at No. 3 with “Blown Away.” The set also maintains a four-week stronghold on Top Country Albums.

Meanwhile, at the top of the Billboard 200 this week, John Mayer is living large with his third No. 1 album, as "Born and Raised" debuts atop the Billboard 200 chart. The singer/songwriter scanned 219,000 copies of the album, which follows his chart toppers "Battle Studies" (2009) and "Heavier Things" (2003). “B&R” also enters The Official U.K. chart at No. 4—Mayer's first top 10 album there.

Keeping a watchful eye at No. 2 is  Adele's "21," followed by Underwood, while launching at No. 4 is Slash, whose "Apocalyptic Love," featuring vocalist Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators, comes in one notch lower than the rocker's self-titled 2010 release, which debuted and peaked at No. 3.

Next in line: One Direction's "Up All Night" rebounds 10-5; Lionel Richie's "Tuskegee" also rebounds, 9-6; followed by a debut from contemporary Christian group MercyMe at 7, with "The Hurt & the Healer”; singer/songwriter Sara Bareilles' new five-song EP "Once Upon Another Time" launches at No. 8; “Now 42” drops 3 to 9; and Norah Jones' "Little Broken Hearts" cascades down five to 10.

On the singles side, Gotye's irresistible "Somebody That I Used to Know," featuring Kimbra, becomes the longest-running No. 1 single of the year, to date, with its seventh week at No. 1 on the Hot 100. It tops the six weeks at the top by predecessor fun.'s "We Are Young," featuring Janelle Monae. Gotye also logs a second week at No. 1 on Radio Songs, with a total of 138 million impressions among all formats. It eases 2-3 on Digital Songs, while remaining at No. 1 on the On-Demand Songs chart.

And get this: The songs at Nos. 1 through 9 remain stationary on the Hot 100. Billboard's Chart Beat columnist Gary Trust notes this is the first time the top nine have remained in the same order since the entire top 10 repeated their ranks on Jan. 10, 2004.

The titles are: Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"; Maroon 5's "Payphone," featuring Wiz Khalifa; Fun.'s "We Are Young"; Nicki Minaj's "Starships"; Flo Rida's "Wild Ones," featuring Sia; One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful";  The Wanted's "Glad You Came"; Justin Bieber's "Boyfriend"; and then, debuting at No. 10, Phillips' “Home.”

Last week, we reported on the flurry of re-entries in the wake of Donna Summer's untimely death last month. Now, Yahoo! Music Chart Watch columnist Paul Grein fills us in on increased sales by the Bee Gees, following Robin Gibb's sad death last week. The trio's 1978 classic song "Stayin' Alive" sold 14,000 copies, which pushed its digital sales just over 1 million. Grein reminds us that "Stayin' Alive" topped the Hot 100 for four weeks in February 1978, and garnered Grammy nods for Record and Song of the Year.

As well, two Bee Gees compilations re-enter the chart: “The Ultimate Bee Gees” is back at No. 49, while “Number Ones” returns at No. 70. “Saturday Night Fever” also encores at No. 168.

Coming up: It's a relatively slow period for new releases. Bobby Brown's “The Masterpiece” is due June 5 (opportunistic, following Whitney Houston's death?), along with Grammy winner Shawn Colvin's “All Fall Down.” Usher's “All 4 Myself” arrives June 12; with Linkin Park's “Living Things” and Maroon 5's “Overexposed” June 19. And that same week:  what could be one of the biggest albums of the year, Justin Bieber's “Believe.” *

'American Idol': It's Time To Say Goodbye

It tells you a lot when the highlight of the Season 11 Finale of "American Idol" was a marriage proposal by previous finalists Ace Young to Diana DeGarmo. For the fifth year in a row, the show jumped the shark—with ratings down 30% from last year—by awarding the trophy to a male act... and once again, a vocalist with little mainstream appeal.

Heard much from hillbilly crooner Scotty McCreery, last season's winner? How about Lee Dewyze? Even Kris Allen, cute as he is, was as bland as tissue paper, especially compared to runner-up Adam Lambert, whose second album "Tresspassing" debuted at No. 1 this week.

Folks, we have a geographic divide—much like the one that splits the nation politically. The 2012 runner-up, Jessica Sanchez, from what little I saw, is a 16-year-old whose big voice and ability to replicate divas like Mariah and Whitney with ease, made her a perfect candidate to be polished into a hit-making pop idol. She would have been the first female to win since Season 6's Jordin Sparks. And Phillips? How about folk alt? How about: Who cares?

The Fox singing competition has experienced ratings erosion during this entire season, its 11th. The finale was the lowest-rated closer ever, including Season One, before the fanfare began, and which aired during the summer doldrums. In addition, for the first time since it began, "American Idol" will finish the TV season in second place—behind NBC’s “Sunday Night Football.”

Isn't it time to gracefully put this mother down, for good? As "The Voice," "The X Factor" and "America's Got Talent" further muddy the "talent" pool, "Idol" is drowning in its own excess. Simon Cowell knew when it was time to walk. Randy Jackson never got a clue. Take a hint from Kelly Clarkson, Fox. "A Moment Like This"... has passed. *

The Week In Music: “Idol” Tanks On TV, But Charges The Charts

On the tube, at least, “American Idol” appears to have slunk into wearisome “yesterday’s news” territory for much of America. The Season 11 finale this week posted its lowest ratings ever—down 29% from last year—as blues troubadour Phillip Phillips was crowned the winner, possessing about as much personal panache as 2011’s victor, dreary country crooner Scotty McCreery. Yawn!

However, where there’s real talent, consumers are still prepared to rally. On this week’s album chart, for the first time, one “American Idol” supplants another at No. 1—a notable feat for the franchise.

Adam Lambert powers to the top of the Billboard 200 with his new “Trespassing,” moving 77,000 copies. That pushes out last week’s chart-topper, Season 4 “AI” winner Carrie Underwood, whose “Blown Away” dips to No. 3. The latter holds at No. 1 on Country Albums for a third week.

This is “Idol” Season 8 runner-up Lambert’s first No. 1 album, following “For Your Entertainment,” which debuted and peaked at No. 3 during the 2009 holiday season—blocked by Susan Boyle’s “I Dreamed a Dream” and Andrea Bocelli’s “My Christmas.” “Entertainment” delivered the 2010 top 10 hit “Whataya Want From Me,” which was nominated for a Best Male Pop Vocal Performance Grammy. So far, the only action “Trespassing” has fostered is a murmur on Hot Digital Songs with the title track, which enters at a tepid No. 178.

Billboard columnist Gary Trust notes that Lambert is the seventh “AI” finalist to reach No. 1, alongside Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken, Underwood, Chris Daughtry and McCreery. And next week we’ll see how Kris Allen fares; he defeated Lambert on “Idol” in 2009, and sophomore album, “Thank You Camellia” will chart a week from now. Like McCreery before him, Allen has hardly become a household name: Following two medium-sized hits in 2009, he’s delivered three consecutive flops, including 2012’s (current) “The Vision of Love” from the new album. It’s safe to say that Lambert is runner-up in title only.

Moving along… At No. 2 on the Billboard 200 in its 65th chart week is “21” from Adele, who has grown as comfortable in the runner-up spot as she has at No. 1. By far, she is in the lead of 2012’s best-selling albums to date (followed by Lionel Richie’s “Tuskegee” and Whitney Houston’s Whitney: The Greatest Hits.”)

Comedy rock duo Tenacious D—actors Jack Black and Kyle Glass—launches at No. 4 on the album chart with “Rize of the Fenix.” They reached No. 8 in 2006 with “The Pick of Destiny.” Norah Jones’ “Little Broken Hearts” holds at 5; “Now 42” is down 2 to 6; and debuting at No. 7 is indie duo Beach Houses with “Bloom,” its first top 40 entry among three charted albums. Also new is No. 8, “Glee, the Music: Season Three, The Graduation Album,” the 14th top album for the Fox TV series. At No. 9, down 6, is Lionel Richie’s “Tuskegee”; while One Direction’s “Up All Night” dips 3 to No. 10.

On the singles side, Gotye’s delectable “Somebody That I Used to Know,” featuring Kimbra, spends a luxurious sixth week at No. 1 on the Hot 100. (Remember I taught you how to say his name a couple weeks ago: “Got-ee-aye.” Good for you…) The alt-meets-dance-meets-pop song tops Radio Songs, at last, up 2-1, while it’s No. 1 on Pop Songs, Adult Pop Songs, Alternative Songs (its 12th week) and Dance/Mix Show Airplay (3 weeks). It now ties Fun.’s “We Are Young” for most weeks at No. 1 in 2012.

Canadian songbird Carly Jepsen’s perky “Call Me Maybe,” No. 2 on the Hot 100, continues to knock on heaven’s door as a potential singles chart-topper. It rises to No. 1 on Digital Songs in its 13th week, also claiming top Digital and Airplay Gainer honors. It rises 9-7 on Pop Songs airplay and 12-9 on Radio Songs, according to NielsenBDS. “Maybe” holds at No. 3 on On-Demand Songs.
 
Maroon 5’s “Payphone,” featuring Wiz Khalifa, surprisingly slips 2-3 on the Hot 100, although it moves up 4 to No. 10 on Radio Songs. Fun.’s anthemic “We Are Young,” featuring Janelle Monae—which spent six weeks at No. 1 in March and April—eases 3 to 4; as Nicki Minaj’s sing-songy “Starships” returns to No. 5, up 1.

Flo Rida’s “Wild Ones,” featuring Sia, dips 5-6, while 7-10 remain locked in place: One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful,” the Wanted’s “Glad You Came,” Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” and Train’s “Drive By.”

Coming Up: John Mayer and his new hippie haircut will likely make a robust debut next week with “Born And Raised.”

Finally, the week wouldn’t be complete without a look at the love expressed for Donna Summer in the wake of her untimely death last week, at age 63. Paul Grein from Yahoo! Music was kind enough to do the legwork, and reports that nine Summer songs enter the Hot Digital Songs chart. The Oscar-winning “Last Dance,” arguably her signature hit, leads the way, with sales of 38,000.

Following are “On The Radio,” “Hot Stuff,” “She Works Hard For The Money,” “Bad Girls,” “Love To Love You Baby,” “MacArthur Park,” “Dim All The Lights” and “Heaven Knows.” In addition, four Donna Summer compilations re-enter The Billboard 200, led by “On The Radio—Greatest Hits—Volumes I & II.”

It about slayed me that we lost five-time Grammy winner Summer and Bee Gee Robin Gibb within days of one another. I was a teenager in the midst of disco’s joyous revolution in the late 1970s. Too young, perhaps, for entry into Studio 54, but believe me, my friends and I spent many a weekend mastering the Pretzel and spinning in unison to so many indelible dance ditties. R.I.P Donna & Robin.*

How Much Money Does Ryan Seacrest Make A Year?

Ever wonder how much money Ryan Seabreast "earns" in a year? He doesn't sing, he doesn't dance, he doesn't critique... In fact, he really doesn't even think. He just stands inside the closet and reads cards.

You might be surprised to learn that his annual booty is $51,000,000 a year, including American Idol, Clear Channel's KIIS-FM, E!, NBC and his own production company.

That breaks down to $4,250,000 per month, $1,062,500 per week or $212,500.00 per day. See how much Seabreast is making right this second here!

Ryan Seabreast Continues To Inhabit Every Minute Of Your Life

If you hear the sound of thunder Tuesday morning, that would be the rumble of heterosexual Ryan Seabreast’s continuing world domination. While NBC’s "Today" show is stunting tomorrow a.m. with Sarah Palin as a "guest host"—to counter Katie Couric’s week-long guest co-anchor stint on "Good Morning America"—"Today" executive producer Jim Bell tweeted to the world Sunday evening that Seabreast, who is not gay, will also appear live on "Today" Tuesday morning to “make a big NBC announcement." Perhaps Ryan and Sarah are a last-minute entry to the 2012 G.O.P. ticket?

More likely, there’s news about the high-profile report that surfaced in December predicting Seabreast, a straight man, will become a co-anchor on "Today" (potentially replacing Matt Lauer or the flailing Ann Curry)... or that he might commandeer the 9 a.m. hour… or, suggests the Tampa Bay Times, a co-host NBC’s Olympics coverage… or at the least, take on a high-profile production role with the a.m. info-tainment program. The Washington Post reminds us that NBC is owned by Comcast, which also owns E!, the throne of Seabreast’s "E! News" and his posse of gruesome reality shows, a la the Kardashians and "Shahs Of Sunset."

Seabreast, who is a breeder and not a homosexual, obviously still has two or three minutes left in his schedule, alongside his hosting duties on "American Idol," his syndicated KIIS-FM Los Angeles morning show, "On Air with Ryan Seacrest" countdown and the face of ABC’s "New Year’s Rockin’ Eve." Good thing he hasn’t yet turned 40 (Ryan John Seabreast is 37). *

Talking Dummy Ryan Seacrest Considered For Gig As 'Today' Anchor

Kardashians creator, American Idol cardboard cut-out host, E! entertainment reporter, pop radio morning man and closet queer Ryan Seabreast is obviously blowing someone with major connections at NBC. The moron is being considered to replace veteran news journalist Matt Lauer as anchor of NBC's Today Show!

Then again, he and Ann Curry will make a perfect team: They can initiate a dual rallying call of "Duh!" every morning. Genius!

In other news, God has decided to shower the Earth with 5 million meteors to prevent such a sad, sad state of affairs from occurring.

Los Angeles Times columnist Joe Flint, wrote, "Journalism purists will no doubt feel a pain in their stomach. After all, while morning shows are a lot of fluff these days, the anchor still has to have the gravitas to turn at a moment's notice and say, 'America is under attack.' So far the only thing Seacrest can say with conviction is 'Seacrest out.'"

Atlantic Wire's Richard Lawson added that watching Seabreast cover a breaking news story on the order of 9/11 "would be like watching a monkey on rollerskates deliver a eulogy."