Black Friday In Lynchburg, Va.... Nothing To It!

Ah, Black Friday, sweet Black Friday... There's nothing quite as satisfying as waiting in a line for five hours at Best Buy to save a whole $15 on a $1,200 55-inch Plasma TV or to be one of the first in the nation to grab a talking Tickle Me Dumbass at Toys R Us.

But as anyone who has ever accessed the Worldwide Webbie knows, almost anything one wants or needs is likely to be available online at the same cost, often with free shipping. Why, oh, why does anyone think it's fun or sporting to join such an absurd "tradition"? I just don't get it.

Here in Lynchburg, where I spent Thanksgiving, I ventured out to Walmart on Black Friday at 3 p.m. Mind you, local Walmarts opened at 8 p.m. Thanksgiving Thursday... so by the time I arrived, the joint was as empty as an average Monday morning.

Meanwhile, shopping is always a heavenly pursuit in Central Virginia, where bargains abound—and since I now travel by Amtrak, I can load up with cheap goods to take back to NYC without worrying about silly airline regs about liquid, weight and the rest of the bunk.

My stopovers: Kohl's (fab new sleeper britches for $10, Walgreens, Ollie's Emporium, Dollar General (more fab than the average low-rent "dollar store") and Bed Bath & Beyond. That's it... Over the course a week, I found all the practical items I could want at bargain prices. Oh, sweet heaven. In my world, you see, finding deodorant for half the price in NYC makes me mighty giddy.

And yet there were still hundreds of thousands of foolhardy grown-ups who bought into the hype that hitting the stores at dawn (or before) on Black Friday was a worthy pursuit. There were nearly 308 million store visits on Black Friday this year, a 3.5% increase from last year—but sales were down 1.8% to $11.2 billion, according to a ShopperTrak analysis.

Consider the following: A man in Massachusetts left his girlfriend’s 2-year-old son in the car while he went shopping for a new 51-inch TV. Store security saw the boy sleeping in the car, forced their way in, and took the tyke to the hospital as a precaution. When the dumbass returned to the car and saw the boy was gone, he panicked and called for another ride home. He's now facing reckless endangerment to a child charges. But boy, that HDTV is going to be beautiful... once he's out of jail.

Two men in San Antonio got into a fight at a Sears about line-cutting, as the alleged line-cutter punched another shopper. Someone then pulled a gun on the asswipe. Fortunately, the gun-toter had a concealed weapons license, so walked out free as a bird. Ain't that America something to see?!

In Maryland, a 14-year-old boy was robbed as he was leaving Bed Bath & Beyond after shopping post-midnight in a mall. The Baltimore Sun: "The suspects, who the boy described as (five) 17 to 21 wearing black North Face jackets and jeans..." Sure enough, as I've stated time and again, the scariest human beings on this earth are teen-agers.

Then there's the couple in Covington, Wash.,, who got run down by a 71-year old man in an SUV while heading into Walmart just after 8 p.m. The driver was arrested for vehicular assault, although it's suspected that he was loaded during the incident. Let's be honest: Getting drunk to shop on Black Friday sounds like a damn good idea to me. Lynchburg, Va.: Ain't nothing going on here but the rent.

First Love: International Male Model Brian Buzzini

The year was 1985. I had been living in Washington, D.C., for about a year and had just burst out of the closet that May. As was requisite for every gay in the 1980s, I frothed over every issue of clothing retailer International Male and its sister Undergear, both thinly veiled shout-outs to homos, with audaciously designed lines of underwear worn by hunky beefcake models that bordered on soft porn. Read: crotch forward.

Its most renowned face of the day was Brian Buzzini, who was so popular that he had a line of postcards and began appearing in exercise magazines and ads for Diet Coke, Kool cigarettes, Burberry trench coats and Edge shaving cream, as well as fashion in GQ. And then, glory be, he was featured in June 1985 in a nudie layout for Playgirl... marking the first time in my life that I ever bought a nudie mag. I recall—after coming out one month before—circling the drug store, walking up and down the aisles to summon the courage to say, "Playgirl, please," from the kid working at the front counter. I was so nervous I was dizzy.

But what a payoff. Boy, was Brian pretty as apple pie in his layout (which revealed: 190 pounds,  43-inch chest and a 30-inch waist), ultimately being named the mag's Man of The Year, with a delish centerfold in January 1986 featuring a rare Playgirl stiffie(!) Yep, I still have the first issue, featuring Robert Redford on the cover, as well as a couple postcards featuring Buzzini, in fact, right in front of me on my office bulletin board. Now that is dedication. And one sweet sentimental memory.

Brian, born in Modesto, Calif., and whose pappy was a pro golfer and mamer a pro tennis player, is still beautiful and fit, living in Los Angeles. Born August 18, 1962, he is now 49 years old. Check out his Facebook page here. * Check out Brian's commercial reel here... Some beautiful stuff, and oh so handsome.

Dare To Dream: Roger Dubuis' Artful La Monegasque Collection

Among so many freebies I regularly indulge in online, I was offered a download copy of Revolution magazine. No idea what it was, but the cover seemed to insinuate it was about the finer things in life... oh, why not dare to dream for a change?

It turns out the Japanese mag is singly about the swankiest watches one can fathom: and beautifully shot so they truly look like works of art. The cover story features Roger Dubuis' La Monegasque Collection, introduced in October 2011 (The watchmaker is a fairly new player in the marketplace, founded in 1995).

The eight watches in the collection—a number of which are limited edition with as few as 28 manufactured—offer a "perfectly balanced display of strength, swagger and temperament," according to the company, heralding "the arrival of a contemporary generation of haute horlogerie." Yeah, what they said...

These babies are so beautiful, I'm ready to mortgage my apartment. The price? A cool $37,000+. A swanky little leather watchband alone, meanwhile, costs $350+.

Looking to pick up a trinket or two for yourself, a loved one... or me? Sorry, you'll have to purchase a first-class airplane ticket and head from the U.S.: Dubuis features nine boutiques around the globe: in Geneva, Switzerland; Hong Kong (3), Macau and Shanghai, China; Moscow; Singapore; and Bangkok, Thailand.

Who wouldn't love this Frank Muller watch, also featured in Revolution... While it's obviously designed for women, this is the gayest timepiece I've ever seen. *

'Men's Fitness': The Best Of January/February 2012

Who the hell is Blake Griffin? Oh, okay, he's apparently a basketball player with some team called the Los Angeles Clippers. In any case, I've no idea why Men's Health would put this guy's unseemly mug on the cover of its January/February 2012 issue. A nice bod is fine and all, but if you've got a face like Quasimoto, who can get beyond such scary countenance to admire the rest?Inside the issue, we have a nice image of Gossip Girl actor Penn Badgeley; a cutie modeling a swell tux; actor Paul Walker in an ad for Cool Water, with his stunning blue eyes accentuated; and a pic of Aussie actor Liam McIntyre, training to evolve from a skinny dude to major hottie in Starz series Spartacus: Vengeance... Mercy, that's some cod piece, huh?And finally, back to Men's Health, a truly riveting image: I've always had a penchant for supermarkets—I'm fascinated by the subconscious marketing techniques utilized to get consumers to buy, buy, buy, and the super-tech employed in an industry that feeds the masses. This panoramic shot jazzed me more than any of the guys in the mag, I gotta say. *

Barney's Goes Gaga For Specialized Lady Line (25% To Her Foundation)

Lady Gaga is offering a line of Monster-inspired holiday-themed goodies at Gaga's Workshop on an entire 5,500sf floor of Barneys New York flagship on Madison Avenue.

Merch is featured in eight separate shops: Candy, Toys, Closet (clothing and accessories), Library (books, CDs, media and paper goods), Gallery (collectibles and specialty items), Jewelry, Boudoir (candles and cosmetics) and Holiday. It includes head-shaped candles, leather jackets, her favorite books, chocolates shaped like shoes, cosmetics and lots more coolio shit.

The campaign—which donates 25% of all sales to Ga's Born This Way Foundation, dedicated to youth empowerment and equality—was launched with a parade of Gaga-themed taxis last month in NYC's Columbus Circle. Signature artwork is also featured on holiday shopping bags and packaging.

Gaga's Workshop is open through Jan. 2.

Lynchburg: The Spirit Of Giving... At Walmart

No trip to America's heartland is complete without a festive journey to the local Walmart. I had a short shopping list and a fairly quick traipse through the aisles, but fulfilled my holiday dreams: New undershirts! AA batteries! Cute red & yellow ketchup & mustard squeeze bottles! A long-needed new blowdryer! Peanut butter crackers! A man of simple tastes (and limited resources) is obviously easy to please. I love you, Wallymart...

 Below... It's a holly jolly undergarment!
Who in god's name needs to cook anything from scratch anymore? Of course, this aisle also explains why America's collective waist size is 48...

My favorite destination: "Kid's" cereal! Sugar! Mmm, mmm, good!
Here, generic cereal packed in bags as big as bulk dog food. Actually, this is slightly repulsive.
Oh my heavens, look! They still sell these cute little music collections... compact discs, I believe they were called. How retro!

NYC Vintage Image Of The Day: Barney's Department Store, 1923

By the time Barney's entered the nation's department store boom of the early 1920s, it was already late to the game. The first multi-retailer of dry goods in the nation, AT Stewart, was founded in New York way back in 1846. Brooklyn's Abraham & Straus joined in 1893, followed by Macy's, Marshall Fields, Bloomingdales, Wanamaker's, Sears, Saks and numerous other regional retailers.

Barney Pressman started his career pressing pants for 3 cents each in his diddy's clothing store. In 1923, he hawked his wife's engagement ring for $500 to open Barney's Clothes, a 200 sf hole in the wall on Seventh Avenue at 17th Street. The store stocked 40 brand name suits at discounted prices with the slogan "No Bunk, No Junk, No Imitations." Much of his merch were showroom samples, retail overstocks and auction & bankruptcy closeouts, with free alterations to customers. As business grew, in 1934, floors above street level were added to the store.

Pressman was an early marketing wiz, increasing visibility with radio ads "calling all men to Barney's" in the 1930s, and sponsorship of radio programs featuring Irish tenors and bands playing jigs to advertise Irish woolens—which made sense, since he was located in a nabe known more for Irish pubs than clothing stores. He also had comely ladies hand out matchbooks embossed with store ads by the thousands (above).

Barney Pressman's son, Fred, joined the biz in 1946. The company had sales of $13 million in 1965, when, with his father's blessing, Fred edged the store toward the luxury realm. It added a five-story addition to its Seventh Avenue location, now commanding an entire city block between 16 and 17th streets.With 100,000 sf of retail space, the store had annual sales of $33 million by 1973, double that of the average men's store. Stock included 60,000 suits, including designer labels Bill Blass, Pierre Cardin, Christian Dior, de Givenchy and Georgio Armani. Its Pub restaurant, which had served nothing but roast beef, was renamed The Cafe, and began selling soups, salads and sandwiches.

In 1986, Barney's expanded with an additional 70,000 sf of retail space in a row of six townhouses across the street on 17th Street. The $25 million acquisition added a beauty salon & full-service restaurant, antiques & housewares, accounting for a third of $90 million in sales within a year.In 1988, Barney's opened a 10,000 sf men's store in the posh World Financial Center—which, in 1993, relocated to its current 230,000 sf headquarters at 660 Madison Avenue between 60th and 61st streets. It was the largest new store in NYC since the first Great Depression, 22 stories tall with 14 floors of office space atop the retailer. The building cost Barney's $267 million.

Like most department stores, Barney's had an eye on regional expansion: It opened in Manhasset, N.Y., Short Hills, N.J., and Newton, Mass., followed by Dallas, Chicago, Westport, Conn., Houston, Cleveland, Seattle and Costa Mesa, Calif. In 1993, it launched a posh 125,000 sf, $120 million West Coast marquis in Beverly Hills, while adding a total of 30 smaller outlets around the nation and, with a financial partner, stores in Tokyo.

Perhaps it was too much too fast. By 1994 there were indications that Barney's finances were in disarray. (Fortunately, Barney Pressman never lived to see his company's downfall; he died in 1991 at age 96.) Because of overspending, the family-run company filed for bankruptcy protection in January 1996. In 2004, the Pressman family sold its remaining 2% ownership to Jones Apparel Group, which in turn flipped the assets to a Dubai-based company. Its total debt at the time was $500 million, as the luxury market took a major hit in the States.

Today, Barney's operates stores in New York City, Chicago, Boston, San Francisco, Dallas, Las Vegas, Scottsdale and Beverly Hills, plus more than a dozen discount "Co-Op" stores—an ironic return to its roots. But there's still room to grow: Five venues now dot Japan, while a London store is planned to open within the year.