Bloomberg Now Controls The Air You Breathe

I was just starting to warm up to billionaire bully Mayor Mike Bloomberg, after he seemed to shift his focus to issues that matter to NYC, like teacher merit over seniority, and corrupt Fire Department hiring practices.

Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Bloomie is back to fucking with social policies and dictating nanny state tactics. Following a bitter debate, the City Council on Wednesday approved a sweeping bill to ban smoking—a legal activity—in 1,700 city parks and along 14 miles of city beaches.

The prohibition, first proposed in September 2009, originally met with such public disdain that Bloomberg backed away—for a minute. Last September, he was apparently bored again and in October was obviously feeling neglected, as he manhandled passage of the absurd mandate that banishes civil liberties in such public places as Times Square and Central Park.

Councilman Robert Jackson, a nonsmoker, told The New York Times, “We’re moving towards a totalitarian society if in fact we’re going to have those kinds of restrictions on New Yorkers." Likewise, Councilman David Halloran added, "We will next be banning smoking on sidewalks, and then in the cars of people who are driving minors and then in homes.”

So instead of enforcing real laws, cops will be saddled with passing out $50 tickets to "offenders." What a fucking farce. Thank god Bloomie is a boozer, or we'd find Prohibition back on the books before he gets the hell out of office. (Vintage pics: Bowery Boys Blog)

NYC's Rental Market: Hippest Nabes?

I don't put much stock into the social ramifications of the chart below, which claims to show the most popular nabes in New York City, based on a single variable: where rentals are up. Nice try, but this is little more than statistical intrigue. How about the hoods where people are buying? Where retail is thriving? Highest percentage of successful eateries and taverns? Mix it all up and then we might have a meaningful study.

For what it's worth, according to nakedapartments.com, the "most popular" nabes in Manhattan are the Upper West Side, West Village, Upper East Side, East Village and Greenwich Village. (Aren't West Village and Greenwich Village the same damn thing?) In Brooklyn, Williamsburg comes out on top, followed by Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights, Fort Greene and Greenpoint. In Queens, Astoria beat out the trendy Long Island City, while in the Bronx, Riverdale, home of Archie and Veronica, wins out.

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I believe this means shit.

More interesting: The top 5 amenities that renters search out: pet-friendly buildings, elevator, doorman, washer/dryer, laundry in the building and outdoor space.

One Year Ago... The Census Came Calling

It was one year ago today that I got a call from the U.S. Census Bureau inviting me to the downtown Brooklyn "LCO 2226" office for training, after scoring 100% on the qualifying test—which was full of math and logic. Believe me, acing that was a gift from god.

It turns out that I was coming in late to the role I had been targeted for—thanks to another Crew Leader having freaked at the idea of knocking on doors. I didn't realize at the time that the Brooklyn staff had been sealed until his exit, allowing me to step in, as part of a training class of one.

Of course, as multiple posts on The Smoking Nun demonstrate, working for the Census Bureau turned out to be my ultimate blessing in 2010. Not only did it pluck me from the ranks of the unemployed after nearly a year—with my unemployment benes due to expire two weeks later—but the experience proved to be rewarding in so many ways.

I was no longer "Chuck Taylor the Billboard guy," now proving myself as just a dude, excelling on skill, charm and a positive attitude. I also appeared to be adept at training and teaching—to my surprise—and I picked up a couple real friends along the way, which was never a priority, since I viewed the experience as a blip in the realm of my life.

Most surprising, my time with the Census Bureau endured much longer than it was ever supposed to. I was lucky enough to bond with some powerful allies, who continually renewed me for one new initiative after another. When I began in February 2010, I was hiking overtop snow drifts. Five months later, I was trolling the same streets in a flop sweat amid the summer sun.

In all, I was employed by the Census for eight months, not only a financial savior, but one of the coolest, most randomly positive experiences of my adult life. Not a career, but a hell of a chapter a la post-print journalist. If nothing else, it gave me a hell of a lot to write about on these pages for the better part of a year.But more so, it fed my need for social interaction and adventure and it endeared me to Brooklyn, block by block, in a way that will serve me for the rest of my life. Turns out this little chapter really counted.

A New Take On The Endless Winter

Thanks Mae Moose!

Happy Birthday Christie Brinkley

At the end of August 2009, when I was bunking with Liz Derringer for the summer, working on her memoir, we attended some school charity event in the Hamptons that was chalk full of starfuckers, from Alec Baldwin to a couple "Real Housewives of New York," infamous publicist Lizzie Grubman, musician Rufus Wainwright, tennis pro Andre Agassi—and Christie Brinkley.

The latter, who celebrated her 57th birthday Wednesday, utterly defied her age, seemingly without benefit of stretching her face behind her ears. She looked wholly organic, beautiful, with a warm smile and a sweet, welcoming personality—which no doubt is how she has maintained her youth. I was 10 inches from the lady; Joan Rivers she is not.

Winter Garden

Oh, mercy, remember my sweet little fire escape garden from this summer? As Phil Collins would say, "Take a look at me now!"

Creature Comforts

My god, I am so in love with Abby and Spencer. These critters are pure unconditional love. Bonus: They don't pee and poop in the house. We're still baffled how rescue dogs from a puppy mill came house-trained, but no questions asked, blessings counted.

Merry Christmas (Better Late Than Never)

Happy holidays, cool cats! You may recall that a week before Christmas, "my back went out," and I ended up missing out on a good bit of the holiday prep. Not only did we never get Christmas cards out, but the stack of good wishes delivered to us remained unopened... until today.

Sure did enjoy all of those festive Christmas cards. Merrrry Christmas!

Emre Returns To The States... & The Studio

It's been six months since our beloved Emre headed back to his native Turkey to complete requisite military service—a requirement of the nation. No matter where in the world you live or how old you become, you've got to put in your time.

During the visit, Emre made inroads with his recording career and is now actively working on his long-awaited first full-length album, sung in Turkish. At last...

Yesterday, he reunited with Ayhan and intern Collin for a recording session here in Brooklyn at 2C Studios.

Run, Don't Walk

Ice, sleet, freezing rain, slush... and now talk of flooding before refreezing tonight. I'm going with "Don't Walk." Is it May yet?

New Yorkers actually have nothing to complain about, as a massive storm barreled across the midwest, dumping 20 inches in Chicago—the city's third-largest blizzard in history, closing schools for the first time in 12 years—with more on the way.

A foot of snow blanketed a 2,000-mile path through Missouri, Indiana, Kansas, Oklahoma and upstate New York. Here in NYC, we got an inch of icy sleet, now morphed into rain, which will refreeze tonight and continue to make this wintry February hell on earth.

More than 5,500 flights in or out of the U.S. were canceled Wednesday morning, while massic power outages are also catastrophic in pockets of the country.

But there's alleged good news afoot. On this Groundhog Day, Punxsutawney Phil did not seen his shadow. The dorks in top hats in Punxsutawney, Pa., report that winter will thus end within six weeks, according to tradition. You betcha.

Celine Dion Scores Juno Nod

Grammys be damned! The Canadian Juno Awards nominations came out yesterday and Celine Dion got a nod for Music DVD of the Year for her magnificent "Taking Chances World Tour: The Concert." She's up against dinosaur rockers Rush, along with Broken Social Scene, Buck 65 and Tom Beghin, whoever the hell they are. The show airs up north March 27.

Meanwhile, Celine's upcoming show in Las Vegas, which launches March 15, is already a sell-out through April 17! According to Casear's Palace, ticket sales have already passed $10 million at The Colosseum box office. That's the fastest such tally in the history of the venue—an odd marker, since said venue was built for Celine in the first place.

In addition, Celine and family appeared in a cover story in French mag rag France Dimanche, complete with pics of Nelson and Eddy, born Oct. 23. Celine insists that she has no intention of hiring a nanny: "I didn't have these children to not take care of them. I am changing diapers and breastfeeding and that's something where no one can take my place. It's tiring but an intense joy."

Celine has got to be the only millionaire mommy I know who dares to care for her own kids. Half the entitled mothers in my apartment building don't work—while their nannies do everything from walking the dogs to washing clothes to handling the children. That's called a "maid" where I come from.

Superman Flies Again With Henry Cavill

Brit actor Henry Cavill, 27, best known for his starring turn in Showtime's "The Tudors" from 2007-2010, has been cast in the latest big-screen incarnation of Superman, "Man of Steel," directed by Zack Snyder, who helmed the steamy 2007 muscle-fest "300." The film is scheduled for release in December 2012.

Let's pray that Cavill is allowed more sexual charm than the cardboard Brandon Routh, who was practically agamous in 2006's "Superman Returns." I'm giving him a thumbs up.

Conservative Politicos Are Out Of Touch With... Their Own Family Members

Former President George W. Bush's daughter Barbara has joined the ranks of conservative politicos' kin who believe Republicans are out of touch with an evolving American mindset: Gay marriage, who's it going to hurt?

In a video for the Human Rights Campaign, the Bush kid calls on the New York legislature to legalize gay marriage, a bill that Albany stomped down in 2009. This is an obvious split from her yee-haw diddy, whose head has historically been buried in the sand about millennial social issues.

In fact, a new HRC study on LGBT issues shows that current President Obama is also at odds with the American majority. In 1996, when he voiced support for marriage equality, 75% of Americans were against it. In 2010, when Obama opposed gay marriage rights, a majority of Americans, 52%, supported equality.

In a New York Times piece, the HRC's Brian Ellner notes that a generational shift seems to be influencing the gay marriage issue: "No matter what party they belong to, young Americans believe in basic fairness and equality."

The younger Bush joins her mamer, Laura, who has also voiced support for same-sex marriage. In 2010, the elder Bush said, "When  couples are committed to each other and love each other," they deserve "the same sort of rights everyone has."

As president, Beanhead Bush pushed for the Federal Marriage Amendment, a proposed constitutional amendment that would limit marriage to heteros and ban civil unions and domestic partnerships.

Barbara Bush also joins Republican politico offspring Meghan McCain—and her mamer Cindy—and Mary Cheney in demanding equality for gays.

When are these decaying old white men going to recognize that abortion and gay rights are no longer what the nation is concerned with? Jerry Falwell's "Moral Majority" has long seen its days as a fundraising gusher dry up. It's jobs and the economy that these buffoons should be focusing on.

Addendum: I treasure this comment I found on Vanity Fair's webbie about the issue. A well-educated troglodyte offers: "Homos only want to destroy what normal, sane, healthy people considered sacred and important. Good thing liberal Bill Clinton and liberal Barrack Obama do not agree with the fridge movement either."

The "fridge" movement!! Yeah, that's it!

Schnauzer Bookends

Damn, could they be any more precious? Abby and Spencer really merit their own calendar, eh? These dawgs will make us millionaires!