Sunday, November 28, 2010

Shoot Me Now: Bieber Cuts His Hair

What a world, what a world... Just when you start to believe there is something in life you can count on, everything goes and falls apart. My god, what to do? The New York Daily News reports that Justin Bieber has cut his mop-top hairstyle, dammit!: At a recent appearance, "the hair that normally covers the 16 year old's brow hovered above it."

And worse, according to the newspaper, "Bieber's new haircut is the second major change the singer appeared to undergo last week." During the American Music Awards Sunday, the 16-year-old pig-nosed castrada's voice appeared to crack midway through his performance.

I just can't talk about this anymore. I need to hide in a corner and weep quietly...

Oh, but wait. There's one more thing. Let me offer my congratulations to Harper Collins for its audacity in decimating the standards of book publishing to a new low, with Bieber's autobiography, "First Step 2 Forever." I can imagine the poignancy and pain expressed in his 16 years. We can all learn a lot from this memoir: like 1) my first leg hairs 2) Usher is my Oprah 3) how to score chart hits without any semblance of talent and 4) multi-media made easy—without actually lifting a finger yourself!

More than a thousand idiots showed up at New York's Fifth Avenue Barnes & Noble Friday to see the multi-media sensation: artist! songwriter! actor! entrepreneur (with his new line of scented wristbands and dog tags!!)! writer! Is there anything he can't do (other than sing)?