Girl, you're kidding, right? Apparently, 82-year-old Barbara Walters' staff is as long in the relevant current events tooth as she is, based on the choices for her 19th-annual Wednesday special,"Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011." (ABC 9:30 p.m.)
No Adele, no Lady Gaga, no idiotic Herman Cain on the list... or any of the high-profile GOP candidates stirring headlines, a la Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin or Newt Gingrich. Nope to newsworthy Alec Baldwin; no sign of silly Ryan Seabreast, potentially poised to become the nation's newsman.
Nancy Grace, who dared to cross the line from hysterical talking head to dancing queen or jailed Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich? Uh-uh. Convicted Michael Jackson doctor Conrad Murray? Naw. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who made major headlines all year? Out-of-his-mind Charlie Sheen? A fallen Tiger Woods? No. Where the hell is the beloved Betty White?
Instead, we have the eerie weary Kardashian family, the never provocative reality host Simon Cowell, tired old billionaire Donald Trunp, who-gives-a-fuck bland athlete New York Yankees Captain Derek Jeter, whoever the hell Pippa Middleton is, emancipated who-cares jailbird Amanda Knox, pop singer Katy Perry (okay, okay, score one) and incestuous ABC sitcom stars Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet (Cameron and Mitchell) from Modern Family.
Oooh, oooh, and The No. 1 Most Fascinating Person of 2011 will be announced on the program. Zzzzzzzz. Barbara, I think it's time to soak your teeth and head to bed for good.