Saturday, December 3, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Cain Is Not Able | Quits The Prez Race!

After relentless accusations of sexual harassment and marriage infidelity, GOP presidential hopeless Herman Cain finally quit the race Saturday... thank god.

Offering grandiose reassurance to the three people still in his corner, Cain postured, "Before you get discouraged, I want to describe Plan B. I am not going away. I will continue to be a voice for the people."

Fantastic: I certainly believe that other cheaters, liars, homophobes and clueless would-be politicians need their voices to be heard loud and proud and stupid!

With wife Gloria by his side—who was adding up what she's going to get in the divorce settlement—the fallen Cain finished his quitter speech with a lovely poem: "Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it's never easy when there's so much on the line." I'll add my own verse, too: "Fuck off, good riddance."