Monday, December 5, 2011

Gambling Nun Embezzles $850,000; Blows It All In Atlantic City

Sister Marie Thornton, 62, is in solitary confinement to appease her sins, after blowing through $850,000 she embezzled from New York's Iona College to support a wicked gambling addiction. FABULOUS!

The sinful sister, known among her handsome nunnery inmates as Susie, was in charge of the Catholic school’s finances between 1999 and 2009, during which time she submitted false invoices and, with Jesus watching, delighted in having the college pay her credit card debts.

Sis Susie had a penchant for weekend trips to Atlantic City for a decade, using credit cards to run the slots and play the tables. She was losing $2,000 to $5,000 a visit, according to U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara: "She covered up thousands she would lose by submitting false vendor invoices for reimbursement to Iona College and credit-card bills for personal expenses to be paid by Iona."

Attorney Sanford Talkin came up with a phenomenal horseshit defense, stating that the poor girl's criminal behavior was a result of childhood abuse: "When Sister Susie was gambling, she was able to stop the internal suffering. Gambling gave her a feeling of freedom."

I'll say—especially when the broad was using somebody else's cash. My guess: Unlike all the gay priests having sex while the Pope turns the other way, Susie likely could have eased her tumult had she found a nice man (or, taking a look at her at the top of the post... a woman) for regular booty calls. Bless her heart.