Ryan Seabreast Continues To Inhabit Every Minute Of Your Life

If you hear the sound of thunder Tuesday morning, that would be the rumble of heterosexual Ryan Seabreast’s continuing world domination. While NBC’s "Today" show is stunting tomorrow a.m. with Sarah Palin as a "guest host"—to counter Katie Couric’s week-long guest co-anchor stint on "Good Morning America"—"Today" executive producer Jim Bell tweeted to the world Sunday evening that Seabreast, who is not gay, will also appear live on "Today" Tuesday morning to “make a big NBC announcement." Perhaps Ryan and Sarah are a last-minute entry to the 2012 G.O.P. ticket?

More likely, there’s news about the high-profile report that surfaced in December predicting Seabreast, a straight man, will become a co-anchor on "Today" (potentially replacing Matt Lauer or the flailing Ann Curry)... or that he might commandeer the 9 a.m. hour… or, suggests the Tampa Bay Times, a co-host NBC’s Olympics coverage… or at the least, take on a high-profile production role with the a.m. info-tainment program. The Washington Post reminds us that NBC is owned by Comcast, which also owns E!, the throne of Seabreast’s "E! News" and his posse of gruesome reality shows, a la the Kardashians and "Shahs Of Sunset."

Seabreast, who is a breeder and not a homosexual, obviously still has two or three minutes left in his schedule, alongside his hosting duties on "American Idol," his syndicated KIIS-FM Los Angeles morning show, "On Air with Ryan Seacrest" countdown and the face of ABC’s "New Year’s Rockin’ Eve." Good thing he hasn’t yet turned 40 (Ryan John Seabreast is 37). *