The Stevens Sisters

My mamer Evelyn came from a long line of ladies on her mamer's side of the family. The Stevens had five daughters, from left: Gypsy, Lottie, Pearl, Evelyn and Ruby. Are those not the most fabulous southern names you can imagine?

My mom's mom was Evelyn, who named her daughter Evelyn. They were known to family as Big Evelyn and Little Evelyn, which was certainly ironic given that my mamer was a good six inches taller than Big Evelyn (pictured here with husband Whithers, my brother Chris and 6-year-old meese).

Gypsy never married, and ended up living with Lottie and her husband Howard; they never had any kids. Pearl married and eventually moved from Lynchburg, Va. Evelyn is, of course, my grandmother, who lived well into her 80s. Ruby, sadly, died from tuberculosis in her early 20s.

With five daughters, it's little wonder that Mama and Poppy Stevens looks so damn unhappy below.

Achy-Breaky Brain

Whee-ha! In less than three days, we've gotten more than 10,000 hits for Norman Gentle's video for "Bitch Slap!" What a wild ride. This is making my brain ache and my stomach hurt. I think I might barf from the excitement... good for weight control, at least.

This morning, after two hours of hasty U.S. Census Bureau work, I'm back at my desk, shoveling through a barrage of 30 emails between Team Gentle members, updating Norm's blog on the hour with the latest, and giggling over the continuing momentum.

This morning, Perez Hilton tweeted his mammoth following of 2 million, which should keep this big, beautiful tidal wave building.Also, over the weekend, "American Idol" season 7 winner David Cook sent a Twitter to his 119,000 followers... third tweet down.

Now: Normy In HD

Just loaded: the HD version of "Bitch Slap!" on Youtube<—CLICK IT, BABY! Then select 1080 in the lower right corner for crystal clear resolution and stereo sound!

Why All This Norman Gentle Stuff?

Wondering why I am continually posting updates on Norman Gentle, cool cats? You see, I'm a huge fan... that is, of my partner Ayhan, who has been working like a mad dog for 10 years to gain traction in the music biz, producing, recording and writing with indefatigable dedication.

He's released a handful of CDs with the stellar Karine Hannah, as well as Jose Promis, Matt Zarley and Mitch Zorba, while producing full albums for Adam Shenk, his own DNA (with partner Dennis DelGaudio), and collaborating with the likes of Emre Yilmaz, Sertab Erener, Sezen Aksu, Sandra Bernhard, Melba Moore, Tinatin, "American Idols" Anthony Fedorov, Jon Peter Lewis, Vonzell Solomon... on and on. He also launched his own indie label, Young Pals Records International.

Ten years, waiting for the click. For some semblance of a payoff that goes beyond personal satisfaction. Ayhan's spirit never wanes; he continues to be the most dedicated, disciplined individual I know.

So when a surreal lunch took place last October, arranged by pal Fred Bronson—with Ayhan, Dennis and me, along with "Idols" Kimberley Locke and Diana DeGarmo, Norman (a.k.a Nick Mitchell)... and Neil Sedaka thrown in for good measure—which led to the alliance of Norman Gentle and DNA, it was a match made in melodic heaven.

They've all been good for each other: Nick parlayed his comic genius into a burgeoning recording artist; while Ayhan and Dennis had the chance to work with an act whose fan base is established—to extend his acclaim, while hopefully establishing theirs.

With the addition of Ghia, who entered as a lyricist and energized into an all-round brain trust, Team Gentle fell into place—with one element missing: a crackerjack writer who could put all progress into words via press releases and a persistently updated webbie for Norm. Well, I'll be, that'd be me.

So this is truly a labor of love. And it's a blast to have Ayhan at last tickling at the success he's tirelessly worked toward. The road is still long, there are of course no guarantees, but the attention Nick-o's first single "Brit Slap!"/"Bitch Slap" has achieved already is mighty and gratifying... and the story is building day by day: Having his phenomenally produced, good-time music video for "Brit Slap!" launch on Yahoo! Music Friday was another high.

Yes, high times. It's about time. Congratulations, Myhan.

Truth Be Told

Loud and clear, by Patrick Mcomber, via imjustcreative.Hey, that's cool. Let me try...SCORE! I think I've just redecorated my apartment!

The $750 Million Supermarket Cashier

Elin Nordegren was born in Stockholm, Sweden, where she worked as a supermarket cashier, before her lofty ambitions led to a job at clothier Champagne—as a check-out girl. Elin was pretty, too, and posed in a bikini for top-tier magazines like Cafe Sport.

After honing her talents by also working as a nanny, Nordegren discovered her innate skills: as a starfucker, when she married Tiger Woods in 2004.

Six years later, amid her shock and surprise that an athlete would cheat, the poor dear is (at least smart enough to be) divorcing her asswipe husband. Her price tag: $750 million!! In the settlement, she's refusing Tiger's demands for a confidentiality clause that would prevent her from writing a book or hawking his name for her personal gain. Seems she's as big a whore as her hubby!

Whee, isn't it fabulous to be Elin? Sounds like she's learned a lot—from Heather Mills and John Edwards' wife Elizabeth. Gold-digging certainly matches her bleached blonde hair.

"American Idol" Comic Talent Norman Gentle "Slaps" Debut Single Toward Critical Mass

Music Video Released To Multiple Outlets, Media Mayhem, Radio Airplay Launches

It’s no secret that “American Idol” huffed to the finish line during 2010’s painfully predictable Season 9, drawing its lowest ratings since the series’ second season. What was missing? Might it be the comic presence of Season 8 top 25 finalist Norman Gentle?

Alas, all is not lost, as Gentle graciously steps forward with his debut single, to “Slap” some gusto into the franchise’s dusty reputation. Already, the May 4 release of his family-friendly “Brit Slap!” a farewell roast to outgoing “Idol” judge Simon Cowell, has fostered a tidal wave of national press coverage from The Los Angeles Times, Yahoo! Music, USA Today, NPR, New York Daily News, MTV, Life.com, CBS News, The Fox Morning Show and the syndicated Wendy Williams Show—where Gentle served as a weekly correspondent throughout Season 9 of “AI.”

The song’s grown-up sister, “Bitch Slap!” a parallel version of the sing-along anthem, featuring a maddeningly catchy chorus and throbbing beat, was released to radio, iTunes and amazon.com May 18. It has garnered initial airplay on top 40 powerhouse WEBZ (B97)/New Orleans.

Both “Slaps” are accompanied by a gleeful music video, which premiered online Friday, May 21, via Yahoo! Music’s acclaimed “Reality Rocks” column, penned by Yahoo! Music managing editor Lyndsey Parker. The popular Votefortheworst.com blog launched it in the blog space the same day, while Fox News was given first rights for national television exposure.

The clip features a cameo from “America’s Top Model” judge Nigel Barker, a cast of Broadway dancers and Cowell himself—as a stand-up cardboard cutout—which literally stopped traffic in Manhattan’s Times Square when lensed last month, as thousands of passers-by joined in the tribute. The video will also launch on votefortheworst.com, Monday, May 24, and is streaming on YouTube.

Norman Gentle’s headband-wearing, tuxedo jacket-sporting, khaki shorts-donning character has made the comedian a hero among Idol worshippers. Last year, when Norman,
a.k.a. 27-year-old Nick Mitchell from Brookfield, Conn., ambushed the No. 1 TV show in North America, his slapstick persona delivered unexpected vocal finesse, via a memorable performance of “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” from “Dreamgirls.”

While anxiously counting down his 15 minutes of fame, the mainstream media embraced Gentle as a bona fide talent. He was snapped up earlier this year by production duo DNA—Dennis DelGaudio and Ayhan Sahin—to record first single “Bitch Slap!”—which, with the announcement of Cowell’s departure from “American Idol,” was parlayed into the saucy send-off “Brit Slap!”

Now signed to DNA’s Young Pals Records International, Gentle has evolved his image into the “Gentle band,” taking off on “Idol” finalist Chris Daughtry’s now-ubiquitous group Daughtry, featuring players DelGaudio, a world-class guitarist who has toured with Billy Joel, written songs for indie films and served as Musical Director for Broadway’s “Movin’ Out”; and Sahin, who has written and produced musical stage shows in his native Turkey that have been performed in 18 countries.

Gentle’s web site gentleofficial.com, offers daily updates about his whereabouts, opinions on “American Idol,” tips for living “Gentle-y,” and his steadfast support for animal rights, alongside other rants and raves about pop culture.

Ready For The World: Norman Gentle's "Brit Slap!" / "Bitch Slap!" The Videos!

At last, after weeks of waiting, Norman Gentle's double-A-sided debut single "Brit Slap!"/"Bitch Slap!" is launched by Yahoo! Music managing editor Lyndsey Parker, who is sharing the hilarious clip, lensed all over New York, via her "Reality Rocks" column. Ta-da! Click here!Meanwhile, the video for the "explicit" version if "Bitch Slap" is NOW live on YouTube!

Anonymous NYC? Not On Your Life!

In one evening, Thursday, I ran into two good friends, completely by happenstance. At the art gallery opening (see below), there was my U.S. Census Bureau comrade Kim. Three hours later, I walked into the Union Station subway station, and there's Adam Shenk, whose CD release party I just attended Tuesday. I love when this shit happens in New York.

Eats, Arts... and Nudies!

What a wondrous night. I can't imagine living the ultimate fantasy of what New York is all about to a greater degree. A beautiful evening, a gorgeous scene, a fab event... even I felt pretty, cool cats!

My college pal Hester, whom I just reunited with two weeks ago after some 20 years, returned to the city with hubby Ray for an art gallery opening by Canadian photog Santillo, whom Hester knows.

The evening began with dinner at buzz-worthy Standard Grill (an architectural triumph, with the Standard Hotel seemingly balanced in the air above) in the Meatpacking District—which has become Manhattan's hottest go-to nabe over the past year, as industrial spaces have been supplanted by high-end retailers, million-dollar apartments and destination eateries. I'm not always a fan of overt gentrification, but in this case, I have nothing but the utmost admiration—and mind you, a good part of its appeal is the opening of the High Line, a new oasis in the city.Following a delish din with Ray and Hester, seated in a semi-circle booth facing the rhythm of the scene outside, it was off to the gallery blocks away on 14th Street, at P.J.S. Exhibitions. Santillo has issued a number of books featuring his sensual and erotic works. The exhibit this night: "Risque, A Series of Erotic Photographs."Santillo was interviewed for a local TV show by... uh, never quite got the name, and in fact, even in the moment, I couldn't quite decide if she's a she or a really well-done drag queen. I suspect the latter.And how could I then resist a pow-wow with said personality... and her pal, whom I am more convinced is a woman.And finally... Hester and meese... yes, she's absolutely 100% female.

Billionaire's Club

New York's sourpuss Mayor Mike Bloomberg had some fellow billionaire pals over for a dainty tea party at Gracie Mansion Wednesday, including Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the New Jersey Nets, crooked developer Bruce Ratner—and, uh, rapper Jay-Z. This is possibly the most absurd, surreal photograph I have seen in my life.

Ronald McDonald: The Face Of An Evil Empire?

Here we go again. A public advocacy group is pointing a finger at McDonald's, claiming its iconic Ronald McDonald forces kids to get fat.

Some bogus group called Corporate Accountability International insists the clown should be retired, because he represents "a pied piper, drawing youngsters all over the world to food that is high in fat, sodium and calories. Ronald McDonald is dangerous, sending insidious messages to young people."

Actually, the only thing insidious I see is another blame game that takes responsibility away from parents, where it belongs. It's up to kid's caretakers to make nutritional choices—Ronald McDonald is hardly the bad guy here.

Fortunately, McD's refused to give in. CEO Jim Skinner told shareholders, "He is a force for good," including an important role as ambassador for the Ronald McDonald House Charities [which I have personally been involved in, and wholly support]. "He communicates effectively with children and families around balanced, active lifestyles. He does not hawk food."

In all, Corporate Accountability International has collected 10,000 signatures in support—hardly a convincing rallying cry.

The White Stuff Gets Edgy

Hip mayo? Sounds like an oxymoron, but that's the intention as Miracle Whip continues to spread its edgy ad campaign. Ever since David Letterman made some off-hand insult about the dressing over a year again, I've seen ads—clever at that: "Don't be so mayo"—proclaiming the charms of MW. You can't get much bigger than owning a corner in Times Square... though I still say the stuff tastes like mayonnaise with a cup of sugar tossed in. Blech.

Mayonnaise factoids
* Mayo is an emulsion of oil, vinegar or lemon juice, seasonings—and eggs yolks.
* Miracle Whip is owned by the manufacturer of the nation's best-selling mayo, Kraft Mayonnaise. They're in-brand competitors.
* A 1 tablespoon serving of Kraft Mayo is a whopping 90 calories; it is 100% fat. Mmm!
* Commercial mayo originated on Manhattan's Upper West Side in 1905, at the Richard Hellman's deli. It was mass marketed in 1912.