How Liberal Is Meese?

I've made mention any number of times of late that I'm willing to do about anything legal to make a buck. That includes signing up with a bunch of online survey firms, where I spend an absurd amount of time each week racking up points that eventually are redeemable for some good shit: Amazon gift certificates, Borders Books $$$, extra airline miles, free pizza and once in a while, real money.

Took a survey today that was asking all sorts of political crap and the question came up about whether I consider myself a Republican, Democrat, etc. I checked the Dem box, which then fostered a follow-up that gave me pause. "Are your views A) very liberal B) socially liberal C) fiscally liberal D) not particularly liberal or E) not sure."

As I danced over the keys, I actually entertained option "E." Hmm. Socially liberal? Well, obviously I think gays deserve the right to marry. DODT is a farce. Immigration policies still border (hee, hee, get it?) on the verge of cruel in a nation that likes to brag about freedom. I staunchly support stem cell research. I believe religion should stay inside your church of choice. God knows I'm pro-choice. I want America to get the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan... That would make me real, real liberal, right?

But then again, I'm anti-union. I consider global warming more a factor of an evolving planet than the evils of mankind. Mind you, I believe we humans have done some damage, but we're not destroying Mother Earth. Every time HGTV airs some shit about "green," I hit delete... I kinda support public healthcare: Companies that don't provide insurance to employees should be fined, but I also think Americans without insurance should pay up if they don't buy in, so those of us paying for the system aren't supporting their irresponsibility. That makes me real conservative, yes?

So what's that make me? Am I a faux liberal? Or am I actually pretty typical, a guy who can't be neatly boxed into a single set of beliefs? My answer: "E."