Crazy Bitch Calls Public Birth Of Baby 'Art'; I Call It Vile & Vulgar

There's perhaps only one thing more dreadful than squeezing out a newborn baby through a woman's tiny little kootycat: deciding to share it with the world, live, and daring to call it "art."

Crazy bitch Marni Kotak, whose previous fine performance works include reenacting the funeral of her grandfather and the first time she had sex, has set up home in Bushwick Brooklyn's Microscope Gallery, where her "The Birth of Baby X" will allow viewers to watch "the miracle of life" first hand. She's transformed the space into "home," including her grandmother's bed, a rocking chair and inflatable "birthing pool.”

Whoops, I just spit up... so sorry.

Kotak's loony exhibit will remain open through Nov. 7, during which time she intends to go into labor and share the screaming, potential pooping, blood and afterbirth with a willing audience. First, the woman is obviously out of her mind to believe an act most women would prefer to be drugged for is ripe for shared spectacle. But more so, what kind of fucked-up crackhead would decide that seeing some stranger's baby crown and pop out of her vagina is appropriate for public consumption? Visitors can even get on a list to be notified when Marni goes into labor. Damn, just spit up again.

Kooky Kotak, who has gotten plenty of publicity for her madness, told The Village Voice, "I hope people see that giving birth, the greatest expression of life, is the highest form of art. This child is the greatest work of art that Jason and I could ever make together."

I feel much the same about degreasing and cleaning my stove top last night. Next time, you're all welcome to join me in my kitchen to watch my performance, as I spray, scrub and wipe. If you're lucky, I'll even scratch my ass during the process. Profound! Art!

Kotak says she will continue the "performance piece" for the next 18 years via podcast with the follow-up "Raising Baby X,” capturing such precious motherhood moments as diaper changing, her child filing for legal separation from its crazy mama at the age of 5 and subsequent lifetime of psychotherapy and psychotropic medication. I can't wait!

Incidentally—and significantly—Microscope Gallery is actively reaching out to "collectors, private investors and foundations" to fund the deranged display. Ohhhhhh, so there's money involved. Well, there you go. That's truly clever: Collecting cash for something you have to endure anyway is a great way to support the arts, for sure.

Relishing her time in the spotlight, Marni added, "I know it will be challenging, but if people give birth in the completely inhospitable environment of hospitals, hooked up to IVs and monitors and strapped with stirrups into a bed, I can give birth in an art gallery."

Personally, I believe Kotak should be strapped in a prison cell for objectifying her child and poor husband Jason. That may not be art, but it's certainly what's really due.