Bigoted Freak Organization Whines Archie Comics Is A Threat To Kids

Freakazoid conservative imbeciles One Million Moms is threatening to boycot Toys 'R' Us because it dares to stock the recent Archie Comics issue featuring the joyous wedding of openly gay character Kevin Keller.

The group, an underling of dictatorial American Family Assn., whines on its webbie: "Unfortunately, children are being exposed to same-sex marriage in a toy store. This is the last place a parent would expect to be confronted with questions from their children on topics that are too complicated for them to understand."

Let's get real: Is a 5-year-old really going to comprehend the social issues behind a comic book cover? And if they actually do, the answer is easy enough for parents living in the real world in 2012: "Becky Sue, some girls marry boys, like your Aunt Ruthie Becca, who has had four husbands; while some boys, like Rolph—who dyes Mamer's hair and keeps it from looking like a brillo pad—marry other boys." The end.

Archie Comics CEO Jon Goldwater quickly responded to the bigoted faction, stressing, "Riverdale is a safe, welcoming place that does not judge anyone. It’s an idealized version of America that will hopefully become reality someday. We’re sorry the American Family Assn. and One Million Moms feels so negatively about our product, but they have every right to their opinion, just like we have the right to stand by ours. Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people."

One Million Mom's is the same backward group that went after JCPenney because it appointed Ellen DeGeneres as a spokeswoman. That protest, of course, made OMM a national laughing-stock. *