Emmys: The Good (Lynch), Bad (Katie) And The Ugly (Akon)

My days of live blogging award shows for The Smoking Nun are dust in the wind, cool cats. I'll leave that to those paid a wage for their pithy online takes on the good (Jane Lynch), the bad (Katie Holmes) and the ugly (Gwyneth Paltrow). If only the majority of them were old enough to remember TV shows that pre-dated The Office. Thank god for TV Guide's journo vet Matt Roush, the best in the biz... So... no need for a laborious take on Sunday evening's Emmy Awards broadcast, just a few zingers...

THE GOOD
Margo Martindale's win for FX's Justified. Never heard of the show, but this character actress is dazzling in everything she graces. I fell in love with her in Showtime's The Riches. "Sometimes things take time, but with time comes great appreciation," she said accepting her trophy. I teared up. New York Times Magazine named her one of "Eight Actors Who Turn Television into Art" earlier this month. And how.

Jane Lynch: I don't know what the hell those criticizing her expect from an awards show host. She more than carried her own, funny with 8/10 jokes, spontaneous and a strong, skillful presence. I adored that she wasn't afraid to be gay without ghetto-izing it. "A lot of people are curious why I'm a lesbian. Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage." "Oh, there's Betty White. She's the reason we start the show at 5 p.m." Genius. Her Jersey portrayal... marvy.

Melissa McCarthy's surprise win for Best Comedy Actress. God knows Tina Fey doesn't need another award for weary 30 Rock, Amy Poehler is not funny in dreadfully overrated Parks & Recreation, Edie Falco is fab in Nurse Jackie, but well-rewarded, as is Laura Linney... so, what a sweet win.

Ty Burrell trumping fellow Modern Family cast member Ed O'Neill as Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy. As Phil, he's the funniest character in the show and Burrell plays it effectively droll. Julie Bowen's companion underdog win in the female category was also the goods.

Kate Winslet's emotional acceptance for Mildred Pierce. While the mini-series fell apart in its final hour, Winslet redeemed herself with a sweet, sincere speech. She always appears amazed and thankful when she garners industry kudos.

Barry Pepper for The Kennedys. I may be one of 25 folks who watched—and adored—the mini-series, but I put a fist in the air when Pepper won for his steely performance as Robert Kennedy. Greg Kinnear was damn good, too... sad to see Tom Wilkinson lose to Guy Pearce in the Supporting Mini-Series category as a brilliantly wicked Joe Kennedy.

American Idol losing reality series for the ninth time. The Amazing Race won this year. Go home, Idol. Forever.

THE BAD
Julianna Margulies' acceptance speech for her The Good Wife Best Actress win. I know her trophy is for Best Drama, but couldn't she have shown a glint of personality? She not only looked like a metal spaceship in that odd dress, but was humorless, rehearsed and rigid. Loosen up, girl, you just won the biggest TV award in Hollywood.

The "EmmyTones": What the hell? Must have looked better on paper.

Katie Holmes, who apparently came from the gym in her plain Jane t-shirt dress and hair in a ponytail. You'd think hubbie Tommy boy could have glammed her up.

THE UGLY
Michael Bolton dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, singing with "comedy" troupe Lonely Island... If you don't watch Saturday Night Live, this was more than meaningless. Worse was Akon... Now I know why he always records with excessive vocoding. Keep the music out of the Emmys.

Charlie Sheen... His overt sincerity was eye-rolling. Go away, dude. No one cares now that he appears to have regained his sanity.

Ricky Gervais' taped bit where he delivered the same self-serving, unamusing, one-trick pony schthick that made him a dud at the Golden Globes.

Gwyneth Paltrow being onstage for the Emmys. Why? Go back to your kid Apple and cook some string beans.