Most Annoying Co-Workers: The Ultimate List

Following is a full-bodied group effort launched by my fellow Lunasa groupies, sometimes specific and yet surprisingly universal. This is about the funniest thing I’ve ever read, further confirming that my friends are funny and clever even when they’re sober. Note: I know none of these people below. Nope. Not a one. While I have never asked for blog visitors to comment, here’s an opportunity for therapeutic confession. Have at it!

* The one that hums.
* The one with the fake hyena laugh: "I'm having such a good time interviewing this no-name. I am so entertained!"
* The one with the 50-decibel ringtone that hasn't been changed in a year.
* The one that chews ice.
* The one that thinks that black sweatpants is appropriate office-wear.
* Napoleon.
* The one who tells you “the music industry will never be like it was, young man!”
* The one who tries to convince people on the phone that she's in her “office," when she’s sitting in the same damn 3x6 cubicle as the rest of us.
* The one who uses clichés that make me want to stab myself in the eye, such as, “To be completely honest with you” or “The truth is” or other pathetic patter that requires zero thought.
* The one who hovers over your desk, insisting on meaningless conversation when you are trying to have a private moment with your soup.
* The one who is only Jewish when the name-brand holidays roll around. Then they dash out of the office before sundown, for fear of bursting into flames.
* The one that thinks I want to talk to them.
* The one sitting next to me.
* The one sitting on the other side of me.
* The one you hooked up with at the Christmas/Kwanza party.
* The one who saw you hook up with the one at the Christmas/Kwanza party.
* The one who puts the entire body of the e-mail in the subject line.
* The one that doesn’t realize you’re supposed to give to the salvation Army, not shop there.
* The one who laughs at anything and everything. After every sentence spoken. After every question answered. With an annoying supposed-to-be-cute-girly-girl laugh.
* The one who is supposed to be a communications major/writer/higher-up business associate and doesn’t spell out words in their e-mails, but instead uses things like “me 2” or “ur.”
* The one who won't shut up about their gym routine and their nutritional plan every single day.
* The one who, every time you walk past, comments, “You’re so skinny!” or notes what you’re eating: “It’s no wonder you’re so skinny!”
* The one who is never in the office, then complains that nothing gets done.
* The one who has worked for the company for one year and yet seems to have five weeks vacation.
* The one who asks to borrow money—repeatedly—and doesn't pay you back.
* The one that wore the same outfit two days in a row cause they were at some “celeb party” all night… oh, wait… never mind, we like that person!