R.I.P., Southern Style

In the south, folks are special. And lucky. Whereas in the rest of the world, we just die, people in the Bible Belt clearly move on to higher ground. Here, I am quoting actual obituaries from the Lynchburg News & Daily Advance (names are changed to offer solace to the departed):

Shelly Rose Brown was received into the loving arms of Jesus on Friday. Over her lifetime, she used her musical talents for the glory of God in many churches, including Our Saviour Lutheran Church. She was introduced to her forever love on a blind date. Shelly was a loving wife, mother and grandmother. She taught her family to love and honor God in all they do.

Teresa Grool passed from labor to reward Wednesday. Affectionately known as “Dee Jay Peachez,” she was baptized at an early age and joined the Piney Grove Baptist Church in Amherst. Grool leaves to cherish her memory, her mother, a brother and a host of many relatives and friends who join in this loss.

Maria Ducell Fells was called home to be with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, on Tuesday. Her love for animals prompted her to work as chief nurse for many years at Woodworth Animal Hospital in Waynesboro. She was especially fond of her beloved pet and companion, Q.T.

Osburn Lucerne Whitman was called to eternal rest on Monday, at Centra-Health Hospice of the Hills. In addition to his parents, he was preceded in death by a sister and two brothers. He leaves to cherish his memory his loving wife of 48 years.

John Devine “Big John” Pennington peacefully slept on to Jesus from his home, surrounded by his loving family on Monday. Surviving him are his wife and two daughters. Memorial donations may be made to the Virginia Rush Soccer Club Scholarship Fund.

Carol Edwina Thompson, 84, of Madison Heights, went to be with the Lord Thursday. Arrangements will be announced tomorrow. Tharp Funeral Home & Crematory is assisting the family.

R.I.P.